Feel free to add to these of you like!Larrys around the World ... and Possible Responses
1. The Classic.
"Hi! My name's Larry? *giggle* Larry Laffer? And I can show you a very good time."
"By leaving me alone?"
2. The 19th-century Upper-Class British.
"Greetings. I am Lawrence John Thomas Laffer, Knight. Pleased to meet you, madam. Shall I offer you a tour of my estate? There is an old historic tower on the grounds -- it is very tall, so please, watch your step! But don't worry, I will catch you if you slip, and I have smelling salts if you should happen to faint. Shall we? Take my arm, please."
"La, Sir Lawrence, you are quite charming. But I'm afraid I have a prior engagement with the Duke of Albany, who wishes to show me his enormous ... wealth."
3. The French.
"Ah, bonjour! Je suis monsieur Laree Lafferrr (roll the rrr's). Bienvenu a Paris, mademoiselle! You would like a guided tour of le Tour d'Eiffel, non? Ah, but you have already been to le Tour d'Eiffel?
Well -- perhaps I can show you my own Tour d'Eiffel, which is equally splendid and-- what? Nonononono, it is simply this little statuette, nothing more. Why, what did you think I meant?
Oui, oui, mon petit fleur." (She is playing hard to get, non?) "Come with me, and we shall make beautiful music together..."
*SLAP!* "Get away from me, you skunk!"
4. The Italian.
"Ahhh, you are enjoying our famous big arena, signorina? Si, si, it is very large. I'm Lasagna Lorenzo, also very large! Aha, una rosa per te? Signorina, io t' amo!"
"Yeah, sure. Go fall in love with someone else you've only just met."
(Lasagna Lorenzo. A name to run away from REALLY fast -Ed.)
5. The Aussie.
"G'DAY! I'm Lazza, but everyone 'round 'ere calls me Laughin' Lazza, on accoun' of how much I laugh. Where you from, miss? Amsterdam? Ahhh, good on yer.
Strewth, it's 'ot. What say we strip off and jump inna Croc Creek for a cheeky swim, eh? Wassat? Nah, nah, ain't crocs there, 's just a name! But there's somethin' else that's big and long, how 'bout it?"
"Frankly? I'll take my chances with the crocodile."
6. The Cheeky.
"Evenin', miss, I'm Larry. Patti, is it? Nice to meet you. Are, uh -- are you a goer, eh? Know what I mean, nudge nudge?"
*SIGH.* "Do you always use Monty Python's pick-up lines, Larry?"
7. The Scot.
"New in Glazgow, och aye? I know ye've had a long trip down from Scone, but yer a bonny strong lass. Let's go for a nice wee walk round Loch Lomond, 'tis a lovely lake and quite long--"
"By yon bonny banks, is it? Awa' with 'ee, I'd rather go to bed with the monster! And besides, me mother told me she saw 'ee wasted last nigh'. Can 'ee even remember dancin' the can-can in yer kilt?"
"Och, me head! I'm never drinkin' whisky agin..."
8. The Welcome.
"Welcome to New York, ma'am. Just off the boat, are we? Bet you're hungry. Hot dog for you? I bake the buns myself, so they're crispy, long and hard! And I can think of something else that's long and hard--"
"Save it, sleaze-o!"
"--your trip here, ma'am! I mean your trip on the boat, all the way from Europe, right. Hungry? Have a hot dog, on the house!"
