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[Rath Darkblade]

Even MORE Favourite D&D Last Words

41. "Hey, cool! A five-headed dragon! Bet if we kill it, we'll get MAJOR experience points!"

42. "He's a ranger! Rangers are good, so he won't stab me in the back." [Assassin masquerading as a ranger]

43. [To a Drow High Priestess] "Whoa! Hey, honey, what's your sign?"

44. "My 'Know Alignment' spell says he's Neutral Good, so he won't hurt us."

45. "What do you mean, my spell bounces off of it?"

46. "Ooh, I knew I shouldn't have cast that Earthquake spell underground..."

47. "Hey, aren't you that guy we're supposed to kill?"

48. [Really badly fumbled Perception roll] "Dragon? What dragon? I don't see any dragon!"

49. "Oh come on! Since when did we suddenly shift to Call of Cthulhu?"

50. "You don't want to eat me! I haven't had a bath in weeks!"

[Rath Darkblade]

Erm... no reply, eh?

Yet More Favourite D&D Last Words

51. "Why do I have the feeling this is going to hurt?" [It did. For a short period of time.]

52. "Yeah? Well I bet you're not so tough without those glowing swords of yours!"

53. [One PC to another] "It's okay, I was in this dungeon in Brian's campaign. I know where everything is."

54. "Okay, tough guy. I'll even let you get the first hit! But you'd better kill me with that one hit, 'cause if I get up, I'll rip you apart!"

55. "You want to step outside? C'mon! Let's go!" [Walks out door, forgetting he's in a castle floating in midair.]

56. "I dare you to hit me again!"

57. "How the hell can it get back up again after all the damage we just did to it?"

58. "All right! We subdued the dragon!"

59. "Giant spiders, huh? I light the webs with my torch." [Webs were connected to explosive charges as a trap]

60. "I use my reverse stroke skill to hit the thief with the knife in my back!"

[Rath Darkblade]

Hmm... no reply, eh?

[Tawmis]

Hmm... no reply, eh?

Well. I think it's just me and you who play D&D here.

[Rath Darkblade]

Well, that's as may be, but I still think these lines are pretty amusing...

[Tawmis]

Well, that's as may be, but I still think these lines are pretty amusing...

They are - but in most cases, you need to be familiar with D&D to get some of the references.

[Rath Darkblade]

Well... here are some last words that you can enjoy without having played D&D.

Even Some MORE Favourite D&D Last Words

61. "No way. NOBODY'S that accurate with just a throwing dag-"

62. "Dark Jedi, Dark Schmedi. That Force stuff is all a load of bull anyway..."

63. "Huh? How can I possibly have the rocket launcher pointed the wrong way?"

64. "Shhhh! The dragon's asleep! If we're really quiet, we can steal its treasure without waking it up!"

65. "Oh, gee, poison. Big deal! I only have to roll a '2' to save!" [Guess what he rolled.]

66. "Since when can that kind of monster do that much damage?"

67. "A kobold? I kill it!" [Polymorphed Nyca-Daemon]

68. "I drink my Fire Immunity potion, step into the cave, and challenge the Dragon!" [Too bad that, despite rumours to the contrary, it was a Blue Dragon - and breathed ice...]

69. "A black ball floating in midair? Neat! I grab it!" ['Twas a Sphere of Annihilation]

70. "Stupid skeleton thinks it can scare me by wearing some rotting old robe, huh? I smash it with my mace!" [Um, that's a Lich...]

[Tawmis]

Even Some MORE Favourite D&D Last Words
62. "Dark Jedi, Dark Schmedi. That Force stuff is all a load of bull anyway..."
63. "Huh? How can I possibly have the rocket launcher pointed the wrong way?"

Well, now you have ventured out of D&D and into SciFi.

64. "Shhhh! The dragon's asleep! If we're really quiet, we can steal its treasure without waking it up!"

Just ask Bilbo how that worked out...

68. "I drink my Fire Immunity potion, step into the cave, and challenge the Dragon!" [Too bad that, despite rumours to the contrary, it was a Blue Dragon - and breathed ice...]

Ever get DUNGEON magazine?

It has one of the most - INCREDIBLE - well thought out 2 page dungeon side adventures - EVER.

A local town has found itself under the ruling thumb of a white dragon that demands treasure for it's "protection"... and the town is tired of it, and hires a party of heroes to put an end to the White Dragon.

White Dragons, being the weakest of the dragons in D&D, makes the party underestimate what's about to happen - and prepares them for cold based attacks, since White Dragons breathe frost based damage.

Unfortunately, said dragon is an albino Red Dragon.

It was one of my favorite adventures to run - because the party learned to never, ever, underestimate ANY dragon of ANY color.

This person disagrees with me and the uniqueness of the adventure.
__________________________________________________________
Changeling By R. Nathaniel Waldbauer
AD&D Levels 8-10
A side-trek, so essentially a 2-pager. This time the party hears about a white dragon that has just shown up. Turns out it’s an albino red dragon. With no treasure. Lame screw job. I’ll never understand why this sort of thing became popular. All it does it encourage the party to be paranoid, which slows things down. This is different than a mimic or trapper. Those are one-shot ‘gotchas.’, almost traps. This is just an intentional screw-job. LAME.
__________________________________________________________


Which just tells me, his DM probably ran him through, and his character got burned.

Literally.

[Rath Darkblade]

Whoops, I mixed up my Blue Dragon (breathes lightning) and White Dragon (breathes ice!) Oops.

Nope, I never managed to get any of the Dungeon magazines. They're not available here in Australia. The best I can find to feed my D&D geekery is the occasional KODT magazine.

A White Dragon that turns out to be an albino Red? Well, that's sure to 'fire up' any party. Aren't Reds very vain, arrogant, and incredibly powerful? (Well, much more so than Whites in any case).

The person's review - i.e. this...

__________________________________________________________
Changeling By R. Nathaniel Waldbauer
AD&D Levels 8-10
A side-trek, so essentially a 2-pager. This time the party hears about a white dragon that has just shown up. Turns out it’s an albino red dragon. With no treasure. Lame screw job. I’ll never understand why this sort of thing became popular. All it does it encourage the party to be paranoid, which slows things down. This is different than a mimic or trapper. Those are one-shot ‘gotchas.’, almost traps. This is just an intentional screw-job. LAME.
__________________________________________________________

...sounds a little like Trump's tweets. "Sad!" But yes, I agree - it seems likely that his character became barbecue.

[Tawmis]

A White Dragon that turns out to be an albino Red? Well, that's sure to 'fire up' any party. Aren't Reds very vain, arrogant, and incredibly powerful? (Well, much more so than Whites in any case).

Yes! Quite so. Among the Chromatic Dragons, Reds are considered the most powerful.

[Rath Darkblade]

It's been a while and we haven't seen any D&D goodness. Here we go!

Top 10 Great D&D Lines by Players... Part 1
(once again...18 March 2005)

10. [PC's were visiting a dimension populated entirely by lycanthropes]

PC: "Why yes, of course I'm a lycanthrope!"
WEREWOLF: "So why do you remain in your human form?"
PC: "Because...uh...I'm a Were-shark."

9. [Party facing Lich, Lich casts "Rock To Mud" on ceiling above party, mud falls down all over party, Lich casts "Mud To Rock" and entraps them. Most of party breaks out using Strength rolls while the Lich prepares some other really nasty spell, one guy doesn't bother.]

DM: "You're not going to try to break out?"
PC: "Look, you're talking to a guy who's only got seven hit points left. I feel safer inside the rock!"

8. [No explanation needed] "Well, Mr. Bigshot Demon Lord, since I freed you from your bondage here and let you sit on the Throne of Ultimate Power, I think the least you can do is recharge my fireball wand for me!"

7. [Immensely strong guy with no real throwing skill prepares to hurl a tree trunk into a raging battle] "My God...this could go anywhere!" [Did it anyway. He was Chaotic Neutral.]

6. [Severely drunk PC (due to a curse) and fully sober PC encounter a female demon. Sober PC prepares himself for a fight, drunk PC has quite something else on his pickled mind.]

DRUNK PC: "Wow! Whatta babe! Hey, baby!"
SOBER PC: "That's one of the succubi, you idiot!"
DRUNK PC: "So she's Italian. She's still a babe!" *hic*

[Tawmis]

It's been a while and we haven't seen any D&D goodness. Here we go!
Top 10 Great D&D Lines by Players... Part 1
(once again...18 March 2005)
10. [PC's were visiting a dimension populated entirely by lycanthropes]
PC: "Why yes, of course I'm a lycanthrope!"
WEREWOLF: "So why do you remain in your human form?"
PC: "Because...uh...I'm a Were-shark."

Hey... they were a thing!

9. [Party facing Lich, Lich casts "Rock To Mud" on ceiling above party, mud falls down all over party, Lich casts "Mud To Rock" and entraps them. Most of party breaks out using Strength rolls while the Lich prepares some other really nasty spell, one guy doesn't bother.]
DM: "You're not going to try to break out?"
PC: "Look, you're talking to a guy who's only got seven hit points left. I feel safer inside the rock!"

Survival skills kick in!

I have some fun D&D stories from this weekend, I will post when I have a little more time.

[Rath Darkblade]

And, to close this little corner...

Top 10 Great D&D Lines by Players... Part 2

5. [Not-too-bright PC warrior meets new PC Beastmaster character, who has a pet wolf. Warrior pats wolf, wolf pants happily. Warrior looks up at Beastmaster and asks...]

WARRIOR: "These taste good with ketchup?"

4. [Overly dramatic mage named Yolarr blasts open a door with a lightning bolt, screams into the darkness beyond.]

YOLARR: "Hear me, foul spawn of darkness! I am Yolarr The Mighty!" [Lights appear in the huge chamber beyond, revealing about sixty demons, all slavering in anticipation. Yolarr doesn't miss a beat before continuing.] "And I was wondering if any of you would be interested in owning a really fine set of modern encyclopedias!"

3. [Encountering a leader of a warrior mercenary group that's blocking the path...]

PC: "Question to Dungeon Master...you said I know something about this group. What do I know?"

DM: "You know they are a mercenary group who respect strength, courage, and determination above all."

PC: "Okay..." [pauses, adopts really bad Austrian accent] "So, you vimpy little girly-persons, you think to frighten me vith your veapons. HA! I laff at you! Let me pass or I vill crush you betveen my biceps like an overripe tomato!"

2. [Most of the party was in a dark alley, calmly talking to a certain Greater Vampire, who, in this campaign, was an NPC who was number one on the "Do Not Mess With If You Value Your Life" list, but the party's Bashkar (bereserker) character had somehow gotten separated from the group and thought the vampire was an enemy, so he went into full berserker rage, charged the vampire from behind, and attacked him at incredible speed.

Unfortunately for him, in this campaign, Greater Vampires are not affected by non-magical weapons, so the attacks did absolutely no damage whatsoever. It took the berserker six rounds to come out of his rage (during which time, the vampire simply stood there and let the berserker hit him), at which point, he threw down his weapons and sat down in a pout...]

GREATER VAMPIRE: (slightly amused) "Finished?"

PC: (Angrily) "You're no fun...you don't die!"

And the number one great line by a D&D player...

1. [During an expedition to track down demons who were armed with advanced technology, somehow the incredibly massive and tough (but rather dumb) warrior named Glutnik (pronounced Gloot-Nick) took the lead paving the path...and stepped on a landmine.

Cue huge explosion of smoke and flame and shrapnel; Glutnik is so tough, however, that even with all the damage he suffered, he took no crippling hits, and staggered out of the smoke a minute later, covered with soot, blood, and metal fragments...and said the immortal line...]

GLUTNIK: (happily) "Glutnik find trap!"

[Tawmis]

Top 10 Great D&D Lines by Players... Part 2
5. [Not-too-bright PC warrior meets new PC Beastmaster character, who has a pet wolf. Warrior pats wolf, wolf pants happily. Warrior looks up at Beastmaster and asks...]
WARRIOR: "These taste good with ketchup?"

Are these quotes from people you've played D&D with?

1. [During an expedition to track down demons who were armed with advanced technology, somehow the incredibly massive and tough (but rather dumb) warrior named Glutnik (pronounced Gloot-Nick) took the lead paving the path...and stepped on a landmine.
Cue huge explosion of smoke and flame and shrapnel; Glutnik is so tough, however, that even with all the damage he suffered, he took no crippling hits, and staggered out of the smoke a minute later, covered with soot, blood, and metal fragments...and said the immortal line...]
GLUTNIK: (happily) "Glutnik find trap!"

Sounds like Thurg, from our "Neverending Daze" series (when Atari contracted us to make promotional pieces for NWN2 before it came out) - https://youtu.be/R0rUWenWsGs?list=PLbRG ... 7cHLf&t=50

[Tawmis]

I have some fun D&D stories from this weekend, I will post when I have a little more time.

I forgot to get around to posting about this...

So that past weekend... it was my best friend's son, 21st birthday... so we all went camping. And along with camping, we played D&D, where I was the DM. Rather than use characters from the main campaign, since a lot of the players were going to be absent - I downloaded Level 1 pre-generated characters and had the players pick a character to play (so all they had to do was pick a name). The first night, we had a new player (Matt's girlfriend) - who has NEVER played D&D. Wasn't even sure how it worked. So we explained it - and that was why I picked Level 1 characters. Not a lot of powers and skills and feats to try and understand. So I made up an adventure, right off the top of my head based off of looking at some monsters in the Monster Manual and tying them together. (A grave had been dug up and a ring taken from the body; causing the ghost to haunt the area, and freak out the local farmer's animals - the party has to go recover the ring). Well, Matt's girlfriend that night - literally, hardly ever rolled below a 12 on her D20 dice. She was hitting things left and right - and she was an Elf Fighter, with a Rapier - so at one point she shouts, "I rape them with my rapier!" And all of us laughed, and I was like, "You went... really dark there." She ended up having an amazing time and wants to play again!

The next night at the camp site, Matt & his girlfriend turned in early (well, 10pm), but Justin and Travis (Jake's friend - the husband of Matt's sister) were there. Now, in stark contrast to Matt's girlfriend - these two had some pretty horrid rolls. Travis played a bard, while Justin played a Monk. As a Monk just got two attacks - he typically hit with his first attack, but almost ALWAYS missed with his second attack - so we all started saying that there had to be some background story that his left arm was wounded ... Travis on the other hand was the King of 1's. This party is set to recover a merchant's family heir-loom, a magical dagger, which was last seen going into a "haunted" forest (it's called haunted, but everyone knows it's ruled by giant spiders, and their ilk). So on the way to the forest, the party is attacked by Kobolds on their first night. Travis rolls a 1 to hit. So I have him roll some dice and say, "Let's see if you hit anyone. Starting with you, 1, 2 is Justin, 3 is Jake, 4 is Sami, 5 or 6, the bolt breaks and hurts your hand slightly." He rolls a 1. So I go into description how as he loads his crossbow bolt, his hand slips, and the bolt fires directly down into his foot. Have him roll damage. 4 damage. His character screams in pain. The Cleric (logically not knowing what's going on because she had moved into combat) comes rushing back to see his has a crossbow bolt in his foot and is puzzled, because the kobolds aren't using crossbows (only primitive bows and spears). Seeing the bard with the crossbow, the cleric pieces it together. Later, they're in the forest trying to flee from the spiders, and have them all roll Dex checks to out run the spiders. Travis rolls a 1. I talk about how he feels the spider's web hit his back. Jake goes back to cut him free, spider's web gets him. I explain that Travis' character is running slow from the crossbow bolt to the foot earlier. The party eventually gets everyone away from the spiders and reaches the river bank where they see tracks of the suspected thief. They notice the tracks step into the water, but then resume in the muddy riverbed just ahead. Rogue checks for traps, spots none. Cross, passes Dex check. Travis goes next. Rolls a 1 on his Dex check. Trap springs. Does double damage. Knocks Travis to -4 HP (I always do -11 HP is death, then System Shock Survival if someone attempts to stabilize; HP -1 to -10 is you bleeding out, profusely, and unconscious). Cleric is forced to use a major healing. By the time they get to the thief's den (who is a wererat), they're all in pretty bad shape, but win the fight. Travis and Justin, both first time players, had a great time, despite dice rolls and want to play again!

My DM notes are here - because everyone had so much fun playing these characters, I kept the character sheets and will be introducing them as NPCs in a future adventure.