Short song: "Magnum Man"

[Rath Darkblade]

Magnum Man
(parody of "Piano Man" by Billy Joel)

On a bright spring morning, Silmaria time
He did stride into the guild
He was from Nova Rome,
Called Silmaria home
And a sword of his own he did wield.

Then he opened his mouth and he speaketh

out,
And Silmaria quaketh in pain
For he telleth his tales
of mysogonist males
Again and again and again.

La li la, la la li de da
La la, la le la da dumb

Chorus:
Brag on and on, you're the Magnum Man
Brag on and on tonight
Well you blow your own horn, don't do

anything
Show us your milit'ry might

Now he says in the army, he's general
And he seems like he hasn't a care
He may be very strong, but can he play

mah-jongg?
And he's certainly no legionnaire

I don't think I need tell you, he smells

a bit
I don't know when he last had a bath
And now, here he is, quite immortalised
In a glorification by Rath!

Oh, la li la, la la li de da
La la, la le la da dumb

Now Toro with axe cannot silence him,
He is minotaur through and through.
And to his great surprise, he finds Mags

prefers guys
who are evil to me and to you!

"I am Magnum, I'm great and I'm muscly"
That's his catch-phrase - he aims to

please
If you missed it, he'll say it until your

brain
has the texture of old cottage cheese!

Chorus:
Brag all you want, you're the Magnum Man
Brag on and on tonight
'Cause you're brave and you're strong and

so arrogant
That a monster would flee from a fight

Well the rites now begin and the

fishermen,
Theyr'e awaiting a hero - some snore
But when Magnum shows up, there's

bewilderment
They do not know whom to fear more

With great deeds comes an ego Silmaria-

sized,
And some people won't keep it in check
You know I cannot wait t'see what he

gives as bait
To a certain three-head dog from Heck!

Oh, la li la, la la li de da
La la, la le la da dumb

Chorus:
Howling all night, will be Cerberus
Howling all night in pain
There's no way that free food's really

worth all this
And his headache might cleave him in

twain!

Now his breastplate is there, but it's

rusty now
And his sword's there and he's still a

drag
But in Hades, though tortures a-plenty

there
is still nothing worse than a brag.

And now murderers, rapists, and other

such
might do things with the darkest of glee
But in Hades they find that they will

lose their mind
With ol' Magnum for eternity!

Oh, la li la, la la li de da
La la, la le la da dumb

Chorus:
Brag all you want, you're the Magnum Man
Brag on and on tonight
You're in Hades and you've got no vocal

cords
But we all know that you'll do all right!