Song: "We're Guards at Pericles' Palace"

[Rath Darkblade]

Yes, this probably never happened. For a start, Pericles - a famous ancient Greek general and politician - probably never had a palace, but a fortress.

All right, fine - if you wanna split hairs, you got a point. Hope you enjoy!

"We're Guards at Pericles' Palace"
(parody of "We're Knights of The Round Table", from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"; written 8 Sept 2015)

Bum-Baddum-Bum-Bum!

We're guards at Pericles' Palace!
Our land - its name is Hellas.
A boring job -
We see some nobs,
and then do what they tell us.

We eat well here with Pericles,
And sometimes we meet with Achilles!

(Comic dance. Guards jump on the table, join hands, and do high kicks, exposing their loincloths. A peasant covers his wife's eyes, but she slaps him away. Greek flautists play and sway to the music. A servant walks by carrying loaves of bread. The guards do two more high kicks, then one of them kicks the servant's bread away.)

We're guards at Pericles' Palace!
He has a bust of Pallas.
We take short hikes,
and Peri likes
To watch re-runs of "Dallas".

We're jewelry-mad with Pericles,
Every guard has got a lot o' rings!

(Amusing interlude. Guards bang on their shields with their spears, in rhythm. Someone steps on a stoat, which squeals in time. A guard stabs his spear into the ground and dances around it. Pericles claps along, then throws a cream pie into someone's face. It is very silly.)

We will defend the Palace
And if we die, then alas!
We clean our spears
And shop at Sears
So I guess that now you're jea-las.

It's a busy life with Pericles!

(Pause. Drum-roll. A big guard steps forward)

Big Guard: (with inflection) He says his dad is Hercules.

(Guards dance off, leaving Pericles looking confused.)

[Tawmis]

Yes, this probably never happened. For a start, Pericles - a famous ancient Greek general and politician - probably never had a palace, but a fortress.

This may speak to the American Education or my inability to sometimes pay attention - but I am not even sure who that is.

[Rath Darkblade]

That's no problem, Tawm. Pericles isn't a person who rates very high in the American education system, I get it.

I did lots and lots (and LOTS!) of reading on Greek history and mythology, and Pericles (pronounced Peh-rick-lees) is a major statesman and general of Athens. In short, Pericles achieved these things:

1. He strengthened democracy in Athens by paying public officials (before, they just did it "for the honour of helping the city").
2. He made Athens into the cultural and political capital of Greece, and strengthened it by building a strong naval fleet.
3. He rebuilt and beautified Athens after the invading Persians destroyed it in 485 BC.
4. Thanks to Pericles, Athenian democracy, art, culture, and architecture set standards that remain influential in the world today.
Here is some more information about him.

Anyway, the song I wrote has nothing to do with Pericles. I just picked him because he's a famous Greek, and his name scans into the lyrics.