1. Magic Sword.
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2. In the faraway town of Clee-shay, a peasant farm boy uncovers a magic sword in the ground. The sword speaks to him and says: "I am the Sword of Truth and you have a Destiny. That's right. Free will is a lie and you are no different than a stone rolling down a hill: oblivious to the forces that shape your path and equally powerless to change it. Now head into town and buy a shovel. You'll need it. Let's get this show on the road."
Incredulous the boy replies, "You're awfully rude. I haven't even told you my name."
"Like it matters," replies the sword. "And I'm the Sword of Truth not the Sword of Tact. Move it, Destiny-boy."
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3. The peasant boy goes into town to buy a shovel, but he has no money. "Tell you what," he says to the shovel-maker, "why don't I trade you this dandy Magic Sword for the shovel?"
The shovel-maker agrees, and the peasant boy takes up grave-digging instead. Destiny, Schmestiny.
Coffin.====================
4. The peasant farm boy starts work digging his first grave. As he tries to lower the coffin into the grave, it slips and falls in, breaking apart. The corpse spill out. He notices it is that of an old woman wearing a golden amulet. Suddenly the ghost of the woman appears before him:
"Ah, the Destined One, as the Sword of Truth foretold. You must take this amulet to The Cave of Lost Mysteries."
"What?" the boy asks. "No. I'm not going to just keep doing things just because mystical beings say so. What if I refuse?"
"Do you know what it's like to be haunted by a ghost for the rest of your life?"
"...Okay, fine." Golden Amulet
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5. The peasant farm boy takes the Golden Amulet, sells it at the local pub, and gets gloriously drunk on the proceeds.
That night, he is haunted by the ghost of the woman. Uh-oh! He gets up, still hung over, and sneaks over to the pub to steal the Amulet. Remarkably, he succeeds! Then he sneaks over to the shovel-maker and steals the Sword of Truth!
He figures out that he has to start taking this seriously. So he asks the Sword of Truth where the Cave of Lost Mysteries is. The Sword of Truth pulls up its GPS and gives Destiny-boy directions.
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6. "Here we are," the Sword of Truth says as they arrive at the cave.
"So now what?" asks the peasant boy.
"You expect me to just tell you what you are supposed to do?"
"Well, yes. That's how this whole thing has been going."
"Good. You're catching on. Head inside and place the amulet on an altar." Sure enough, within the cave was an altar. The peasant boy places the amulet on the altar and another ghost appears. "Ah, the Destined One, as the Sword of Truth foretold. Take this scroll." Magic Scroll
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7. The peasant boy tries to read the scroll, but the writing looks like a spider got into the ink-pot and then crawled all over the page. "I can't read that!" He wails.
The Sword of Truth sighs. It sounds like metal scraping on metal. "That's the whole point, Destiny-boy. You must take it to Beechminster, the greatest wizard in the land. He will find out what's going on."
"And where is this Beechminster?"
The ghost speaks again, in a voice like a hundred voices sighing. "Beechminster is staying in the pub you just came from."
Groan! So Destiny-boy runs back, post-haste, to see Beechminster the Wizard -- who wears a gloriously red robe, a large red pointy and floppy hat, and has a wizard's staff as tall and gnarled as a tree (all right, I'm exaggerating a bit on this last one, work with me).
Beechminster takes the scroll, sets up a black cauldron full of water under a fire, and in a booming baritone voice, says:"Magic scroll now in my hand,
Hear my voice, I now command;
Show me what's wrong in the kingdom!
I request it now ... er ... fair dinkum!" (Sorry. There aren't many words that rhyme with kingdom).
The scroll trembles. The water in the cauldron bubbles, and a hideous, green demon erupts forth. "Who is it that summons Xotilolepatex?!" It screams. (The effect is ruined, unfortunately, because the demon is no more than two inches tall). Demon.
8. "Um, me, I guess," replies the peasant boy. "The Destined One?"
"Yes. You have the bearing of a great warrior." (The Sword of Truth snickers at this) "But it is of no matter. You cannot stop what is coming. In three days time the Great Portal will open and more of my kind will pour forth and lay waste to this world. And there is nothing you can do to stop it!"
The peasant boy was concerned about the news of the incoming demon invasion but still wasn't the least bit intimidated by the tiny creature. "Why should we worry about a bunch of two-inch tall demons?" the peasant boy asked.
"Do you know how many a googol is?" The peasant boy shook his head no. "Well, it's a lot. And it's how many of us there are. You can't stop us!"
"Where can I find this Great Portal of yours?" the peasant boy asked.
"Ha, I'll never tell that it is 10 miles due south of the Cave of Lost Mysteries. Near the town of Plought Kawntryvance. If you reach the 230 Expressway, you've gone too far. Now I go to join my fellow demons!" The demon vanishes in a puff of smoke, leaving behind a tiny sword, appropriately sized for the two-inch tall demon.
"Good thing Xotilolepatex is kind of an idiot," says the Sword of Truth. "Well, grab the sword and lets get moving. 'Great warrior'. Wow. Just, wow." Tiny sword
9. "And I'm coming too!" Beechminster says, grabbing the tiny sword.
"Beechminster, I don't think that's a good idea," the Sword of Truth says. "You wizards aren't made for that sort of thing--"
"I said, I'm coming too!"
Then the tiny sword squeaks: "Aha! Hear my voice, for I am the Sword of Tooth!"
There is a long, looooong silence. Then "Destiny-Boy" rolls his eyes and says: "The Sword of Tooth?"
"That's right! If you tell a lie, I magically fly at you and hit you in the teeth!" The Sword of Tooth snaps. "Any other stupid questions?"
There aren't any, so the Sword of Tooth says: "Let's go to the Great Portal, then!"
They arrive at the Great Portal with time to spare. Then the Sword of Tooth says: "I will guide your steps, O Great Warrior. Pick me up."
The Sword of Truth gnashes its blade and grumbles: "I could've been a contender, you know. I could've slain the Great Demon. But noooooooo..."
Meanwhile, Destiny-Boy picks up the Sword of Tooth between thumb and forefinger. "What now?" he says.
Just then, the Great Portal starts to glow ... Great Portal!
10. The "Great Portal" turns out to only be about two feet in diameter. Nevertheless, tiny two-inch demons begin pouring out. Among them is Xotilolepatex. "Ha!" he says. "I told you nothing could stop us!"
Mustering as much confidence as he could, the peasant boy says, "Well, I can. For I am the Destined One!" He then whispers to the Sword of Truth "Little help."
"The Destined One? You know nothing!", Xotilolepatex says.
"I know that I know nothing, but..." Just then the Sword of Tooth leaps from the peasant boy's fingers. "A Paradox!" it exclaims. The peasant boy's statement, neither the truth nor a lie, causes the tiny sword to overload and glow. It hurtles towards the Great Portal causing it to implode and sucking in all of the demons with it.
"What. Just. Happened?" the boy asks.
"You won. Congrats. You've been a real sport," the Sword of Truth answers.
"But... Did you even need me for any of this?"
"You specifically? No. Two hands. Two feet. That's pretty much it. You were just in the right place at the right time. Stone. Hill. Remember? Anyway I've got to go. Have to meet another Destined One in about 200 years. Toodles!" And the Sword of Truth vanishes.
After a long, awkward silence, Beechminster finally speaks and (trying his best to be cheerful) says, "Well, that was quite the adventure!"
"Shut up," the dejected peasant boy says.
THE END
Brush-and-pan set.
Machete-like ... thing. 
(What? This