SHP Forums

Rath Darkblade wrote: ↑Mon Jun 24, 2019 9:43 pm Ettin is enslaved by Mind Flayers! Good idea.
Attacking four Mind Flayers when the party is (IIRC) an average of level 5-6? Not a good idea.

It's one of those times that I wish I was recording the session - just for that moment.
Because Anita insisted she could wound one and they could make their escape (when I had made it clear that the Mind Flayers are aware you're there; they just don't care because getting the livestock down the mine shaft to their people was more important; and they assumed that the party would not be foolish enough to attack...) But Anita kept saying, "I have a high Dexterity! I can wound one! And we can run!"

So I said, "Do you want to attack the Mind Flayers?"
Everyone said, "No!" Anita said, "Yes!"
So I said, "Roll initiative."
Everyone was yelling at Anita, that if the Mind Flayers go before everyone else, that they could mind stun them with psionics.
And then it donned on her... Anita could hit one and do some damage; but her party was in range of their psionics.
And she realized her grave mistake. I honestly thought one of them was going to die (the bard, who got mind stunned and didn't make their save) - but I gave the barbarian to do one heroic moment - if they rolled a 20 (with Dex bonus) - they'd be able to grab the Bard (who is just a tiny halfling) and sprint away - the barbarian rolled a NATURAL 20. Heroic moment and escape achieved.

Rath Darkblade wrote: ↑Mon Jun 24, 2019 9:43 pm As for the illustration - is that your take on the D&D show from the 80s? Looks good, if so.

I have no idea why you think I am a fantastic painter (between the disney pictures and now this) - but, thank you! Sadly, another one I didn't do - just happened across it while googling cool D&D images.

Huzzah for nat-20s! But yes, attacking a Mind Flayer (never mind FOUR of them) when you have no defense against psionic attacks probably ranks as one of the Top Ten D&D Bonehead Moves.

(Some others include trying to pickpocket Elminster, trying to attack Drizzt Do'Urden, etc. etc... oh - and attacking the Dreaded Gazebo.)

Rath Darkblade wrote: ↑Mon Jun 24, 2019 9:43 pm As for the illustration - is that your take on the D&D show from the 80s? Looks good, if so.

I have no idea why you think I am a fantastic painter (between the disney pictures and now this) - but, thank you! Sadly, another one I didn't do - just happened across it while googling cool D&D images.
[/quote]

You're not? Oh. I just thought you might be, because of the comic book covers you did a few months ago.

As for the Disney pictures - I didn't see the artist's signature until after my post. Whoops. *blush*

Rath Darkblade wrote: ↑Tue Jun 25, 2019 10:00 am Huzzah for nat-20s! But yes, attacking a Mind Flayer (never mind FOUR of them) when you have no defense against psionic attacks probably ranks as one of the Top Ten D&D Bonehead Moves.
(Some others include trying to pickpocket Elminster, trying to attack Drizzt Do'Urden, etc. etc... oh - and attacking the Dreaded Gazebo.)

Only attack the gazebo if it laughs at your jokes too...

Rath Darkblade wrote: ↑Tue Jun 25, 2019 10:00 am You're not? Oh. I just thought you might be, because of the comic book covers you did a few months ago.

Oh, I can digitally color stuff (although not nearly as crisp and beautiful as this artist). And I do draw. But I am nowhere near this skill. Not even close. I can draw elves like ElfQuest (note: that's not mine, but an example - I am nowhere near THAT good either), but the one thing that has ALWAYS been my bane when drawing is ... women. I can't draw women. They all look too manly no matter how I try to "soften" them up. So yeah. Definitely would not be my work. If you see me posting art that has any woman in it; I didn't draw it.

OK, fair enough. Your art looks pretty amazing to me, 'cos I can't draw worth a damn.

I can't half-write, though. I work very hard at improving my writing - I now have enough materials for at least four books. <shameless plug> But like you, I find it difficult to "write" women characters convincingly. They either turn out to be tough badasses, imperious queens, or (rarely) damsels in distress - but only when the plot requires it ...!

Rath Darkblade wrote: ↑Wed Jun 26, 2019 6:58 am I can't half-write, though. I work very hard at improving my writing - I now have enough materials for at least four books. <shameless plug> But like you, I find it difficult to "write" women characters convincingly. They either turn out to be tough badasses, imperious queens, or (rarely) damsels in distress - but only when the plot requires it ...!

Writing is my strength also. Which is why I enjoy doing D&D. Because life is often too hectic for me to sit down and write the stories I want to write; but D&D allows me to plan an adventure; have players be the main characters; and allow me to improvise the story on the spot, depending on what the players do - which is a three fold success - it allows me to weave a story; allows me to get instant gratification from player reactions; and forces me to more often than not be extremely creative on the spot, since players never do what is planned for the adventure!

Hmm. Well, I can't improvise on the spot, which is why I write a story outline before I start. This includes:

1. a one-sentence summary;
2. a one-paragraph summary;
3. back-cover blurb;
4. character summary;
5. a three-act arch (i.e. one-to-three sentence summary of the following:

a. Hero's entrance and catalyst or story problem, after which he can't turn back;
b. How shall the hero do this? He first must do A, B, and C. Usually, things get worse for the hero here, which raises the stakes;
c. But the hero learns his lessons, overcomes the problems, and wins the day!
============
Now I know what the story's about and who my characters are (roughly). Time to start writing? Almost! One more step: scene outlines. Before I write a new scene, for each scene, I write one or two sentences about:

a. goal - what's the character's goal? What does he want to achieve?
b. Conflict - how can he achieve that goal? Does he need help?
c. Setback - what makes the conflict so hard?
d. reaction - how does the character deal with the setback? What lesson does he learn?
e. dilemma - what options does the character have? What will he do?
f. decision! Yes! That's how he's going to get ahead.

For instance, suppose my character is Theseus, the Greek hero who ended up battling the Minotaur, the famous half-man half-bull monster. Suppose also that when the story starts, Thesseus is just a kid, but he wants to take on the Minotaur anyway - because that bully is eating people. So...

goal: Theseus wants to fight the Minotaur.
Conflict: How can he do that when he's just a kid? Everyone is laughing at him.
Setback: But his big brother says, "All right", and takes little Theseus to the field to see a bull. "Here's a stick! Go fight the big Minotaur!"

reaction: You kidding? That's too easy! I'll... hold on, that bull is big and scary!
Dilemma: What next? Does Theseus give up? Does he cry?
Dec: No, by Zeus! He whacks the bull with the stick! He'll show Meanie Bull who's the boss!
============
(Luckily, big brother is on hand to rescue little brother. But he's impressed. Maybe we've got something here. Maybe we should give him training, hmm?)

I'm currently re-writing the story of Perseus and Medusa - the legendary woman with the snake hair! - so I haven't started writing the "Theseus & the Minotaur" story yet. But if I did, that could be the first scene.

As for the story of Perseus and Medusa, the first draft's nearly done, but I want to change some things - that's for the 2nd draft. And then - hopefully - it'll be done, and I'll be ready to find an cover illustrator, get an ISBN, hunt for a publisher, and all the other "really fun stuff"!

Top 10 Great D&D Lines by Players...
(once again...18 March 2005)

10. [PC's were visiting a dimension populated entirely by lycanthropes]

PC: "Why yes, of course I'm a lycanthrope!"
WEREWOLF: "So why do you remain in your human form?"
PC: "Because...uh...I'm a Were-shark."

9. [Party facing Lich, Lich casts "Rock To Mud" on ceiling above party, mud falls down all over party, Lich casts "Mud To Rock" and entraps them. Most of party breaks out using Strength rolls while the Lich prepares some other really nasty spell, one guy doesn't bother.]

DM: "You're not going to try to break out?"
PC: "Look, you're talking to a guy who's only got seven hit points left. I feel safer in the rock!"

8. [No explanation needed] "Well, Mr. Bigshot Demon Lord, since I freed you from your bondage here and let you sit on the Throne of Ultimate Power, I think the least you can do is recharge my fireball wand for me!"

7. [Immensely strong guy with no real throwing skill prepares to hurl a tree trunk into a raging battle] "My God...this could go anywhere!" [Did it anyway. He was Chaotic Neutral.]

6. [Severely drunk PC (due to a curse) and fully sober PC encounter a female demon. Sober PC prepares himself for a fight, drunk PC has quite something else on his pickled mind.]

DRUNK PC: "Wow! Whatta babe! Hey, baby!"
SOBER PC: "That's a succubus, you idiot!"
DRUNK PC: "So she's Italian. She's still a babe!" *hic*

5. [Not-too-bright PC warrior meets new PC Beastmaster character, who has a pet wolf. Warrior pats wolf, wolf pants happily. Warrior looks up at Beastmaster and asks...]

WARRIOR: "These taste good with ketchup?"

4. [Overly dramatic mage named Yolarr blasts open a door with a lightning bolt, screams into the darkness beyond.]

YOLARR: "Hear me, foul spawn of darkness! I am Yolarr The Mighty!" [Lights appear in the huge chamber beyond, revealing about sixty demons, all slavering in anticipation. Yolarr doesn't miss a beat before continuing.] "And I was wondering if any of you would be interested in owning a really fine set of modern encyclopedias!"

3. [Encountering a leader of a warrior mercenary group that's blocking the path...]

PC: "Question to Dungeon Master...you said I know something about this group. What do I know?"

DM: "You know they are a mercenary group who respect strength, courage, and determination above all."

PC: "Okay..." [pauses, adopts really bad Austrian accent] "So, you vimpy little girly-persons, you think to frighten me vith your veapons. HA! I laff at you! Let me pass or I vill crush you betveen my biceps like an overripe tomato!"

2. [Most of the party was in a dark alley, calmly talking to a certain Greater Vampire, who, in this campaign, was an NPC who was number one on the "Do Not Mess With If You Value Your Life" list, but the party's Bashkar (bereserker) character had somehow gotten separated from the group and thought the vampire was an enemy, so he went into full berserker rage, charged the vampire from behind, and attacked him at incredible speed.

Unfortunately for him, in this campaign, Greater Vampires are not affected by non-magical weapons, so the attacks did absolutely no damage whatsoever. It took the berserker six rounds to come out of his rage (during which time, the vampire simply stood there and let the berserker hit him), at which point, he threw down his weapons and sat down in a pout...]

GREATER VAMPIRE: (slightly amused) "Finished?"

PC: (Angrily) "You're no fun...you don't die!"

And the number one great line by a D&D player...

1. [During an expedition to track down demons who were armed with advanced technology, somehow the incredibly massive and tough (but rather dumb) warrior named Glutnik (pronounced Gloot-Nick) took the lead paving the path...and stepped on a landmine.

Huge explosion of smoke and flame and shrapnel; Glutnik is so tough, however, that even with all the damage he suffered, he took no crippling hits, and staggered out of the smoke a minute later, covered with soot, blood, and metal fragments...and said the immortal line...]

GLUTNIK: (happily) "Glutnik find trap!"

Returning to this thread...

Back in September of this year, I celebrated one year of DMing for the folks who had never played D&D before (and celebrating the friendship I've made with them). I made a Youtube video that captures the year worth of photos I took with them.




And Jessica, from that group; her brother is playing D&D with a group of people who have never played D&D... and their DM, who has never played D&D, just had a kid (well, his wife did).... So she spoke to her brother about me, and how good I was about teaching people how to play D&D. The DM is running the module that comes with the Essential Rules box called Dragon of Icespire Peak. They asked me to DM for them; but I didn't want to continue the module (since their DM was new; I wanted him to be able to continue the module and continue to learn to DM). So I made up this entire side quest idea, because they were in a mining town that basically works out of the town. I also ordered the Essential Rules, just to get the module, and make sure I don't ruin any surprises (for example, the joy of finding out what a Mimic is; which is in the module). Reading the module, the party eventually goes after a White Dragon (young one), so I tied that into my side quest...

We did the first adventure two weekends ago... Adventure recap...

Thyis / Tiefling / Rogue
Bram Kessler / Human / Monk
Falarnum / Half Orc / Bard
Galiena Eranaeth / Half Elf / Warlock
Squeven / Halfling / Cleric (Not Present)
Brick / Human / Fighter

The morning sun had sun had just begun to rise over the horizon; golden colors spilling across the plains as Galiena came out of the southern end of Neverwinter Forest. Her breath came fast as she looked behind her, still feeling the chilling touch that grasped her soul as she had approached Havenfall Manor.

Her patron, a Celestial Unicorn that guarded many of the woods in the Forgotten Realms, had warned her that something had been driving away the wildlife around the manor and that she should look into it. She approached the Manor, buried deep in the woods, but the same force that drove the animals away, seemed to push her away. She knew she would need help. She continued south to Phandalin, a small mining community. There wasn’t much hope of finding someone who could help her there, but perhaps she could book passage on one of the trading wagons that came through there.

She arrived at the Stonehill Inn looking for a room, when she spotted several patrons who looked distinctly out of place. One of them, in light armor, appeared to be a human; and judging by the light clothes and the symbols worn, a Monk. Another, a half-orc, with a lute in his hand, strumming loudly, was clearly a bard. Besides him, a tall human, muscular, but adorned in armor; so not a barbarian, and not a Paladin, due to the lack of holy symbols, so probably a fighter. This could be exactly what she had needed. She approached them and asked them for help. The Half Orc, spotting this unusual looking Half-Elf with a small Pseudo-dragon fluttering next to her, attempted to impress her with his juggling skills, only to drop the balls. The fighter, who introduced himself as Brick, climbed on a table, and for reasons unknown attempted a back flip, crashing into the table behind him, sending drinks flying. Furious patrons were calmed by another member, the Monk, who had introduced himself as Bram Kessler.

After the failure to impress the half-elf Warlock, the party agreed that showmanship was not their thing, and agreed to listen to the Warlock. She explained that she had been told by her patron to seek out what was happening at the Manor and set things right.

Falarnum, the Half-Orc Bard, detailed what he had heard about the manor; that a human Paladin by the name of Taris Havenfall had met and fell in love with an Elven maiden named Seleena Clearsky, and though her father protested their bonding, Taris agreed to build his manor in the woods so that she could be close to her family without them needing to leave the woods that they called home. At some point, an ancient white dragon named Ashenfrost destroyed the manor, and murdered those within. The manor was raided by creatures shortly after its destruction, but in recent years, no one goes near the manor.

The party agrees to help Galiena. Bram runs upstairs and finds that their companion, Squeven, the Halfling Cleric who had gone upstairs to meditate and pray to their god had fallen asleep. Bram quickly scribbled a note that they were headed north, into the Neverwinter Forest towards a place called Havenfall Manor, should he awake and seek to join them.

Downstairs, a figure seemed to step out of the shadows, and pull his cowl back, revealing his startling, demonic-like features of a Tiefling, and introduced himself as Thyis. “I couldn’t help but overhear you were headed for Havenfall Manor. It so happens, I am in need of some money, and could provide… unique services, which you might find helpful… say, should something like… a chest be locked.” The party agreed to have Thyis along for the adventure.

Heading north, the party managed to reach the southern tip of Neverwinter Forest before night and exhaustion took over. Setting up camp, they sat around a crackling fire as Falarnum and Bram took first watch. A few short hours later, Falarnum heard what appeared to be a deer in distress, and with Bram behind him went into the woods to investigate. Bram waited at the edge, keeping an eye as Falarnum found the deep and begun cutting it down. Bram shouted a warning, spotting three bugbears springing up behind him.

A fight broke out, which resulted in Bram shouting for the others, who arrived; and after several rounds of combat, managed to take down the Bugbears, but not before Falarnum had been knocked out and bleeding out. The Warlock had managed to use her own magic, calling upon her connection to the Feywild, to heal the Half Orc Bard and the human fighter, Brick. Returning back to camp, they rested for the night, tending to their wounds and cursing the bugbear’s well laid out ambush.

The following morning, the party pushes on into the woods, and after a few short hours, finds a beaten down path, now mostly reclaimed by the woods that leads them to Havenfall Manor. Looking around, they spot large dog prints in the front yard. Brick and Bram go forward towards the door, and just as they get there, Falarnum uses the mage hand to swing the door open, which creaks loudly as it opens, like a yawning giant.

Galiena sends her Pseudodragon to patrol and it quickly returns after spotting a shimmering image on the western side of the house. The party goes to investigate and suddenly Galiena is overcome with overwhelming sadness. Brick begins to speak with her and realizes she is somehow connected to the spirit they see tending to the garden. The spirit asks of them to seek out the bodies of the dead and lay them to rest so that the land can once again reclaim the manor, and their spirits set to rest. The party agrees to help the spirit, realizing she must be Seleena Clearky, the wife of Taris Havenfall. As they make their way around the western side of the house, they find basement doors that lead beneath the house but find a carrion crawler sleeping in the tunnel. Seeing a pair of unnatural large dogs approaching, they quickly decide to use magic to lure them into the basement to attack the sleeping carrion crawler. The trick works and they slam the basement doors shut; when the fight is done they open it again, and see one hell hound has survived the fight. The first round of attacks is… less than impressive, with each attack missing. The hell hound breathes a cone of fire, and all but Brick manage to get out of the way of the scorching fire. It is Falarnum who strikes the killing blow on the severely wounded hell hound. Venturing in, they cut open the carrion crawler and discover the badly decomposed body of Seleena. They bury her in the garden with Bram speaking words he remembered from his time back in the Monastery, now lost to him.

During this time, they feel as though they’re being watched, and a body is seen watching them from the upper level, before walking away.

They knew that much more awaited them inside the manor…

And here's a video I made...

For my work game; two people left the game (one, again, because their wife had a baby; the other, his friend, got a job at another company).
So that knocked us down to three players... So we recruited someone remotely that we knew from playing World of Warcraft, who'd never played D&D before...
(Apparently that's going to be my specialty...)

So in the previous session... the two clerics were not roleplaying much (as in, they were in a decimated town; and a Church for the goddess of one of the Clerics was in shambles and the Cleric went there, asked some questions, but didn't do anything to help the Church... and this type of stuff had been going on... that they were good in alignment but doing questionable acts...)

So I made an event happen where Orcus (Demon Lord of the Undead) unleashes demons upon the world to claim souls for the "War in Heaven" - and the clouds turned all dark and red (Stranger Things reference), with red lightning bolts... then the rain of blood came... and suddenly everyone who was divine in nature (Clerics, Paladins, Druids, Rangers) suddenly found their ties to their deities "weakened" - so when they would cast a spell, they would need to have to roll a specific DC (Difficulty Challenge) to overcome to be able to cast... Which was higher for the two Clerics who didn't do much for their goddess, where as the Paladin had... this made them quite worthless when they burn through spells...

End result was that it led to tough fight (when there's no one who can really heal)... and it led to the demise of one of the clerics.
http://tawmis.com/kneurth/adventure-not ... rers-09-10

But fast forward, to the new session - the person who played the cleric who perished, rolled a Warlock and the new person (remotely) playing rolled a Cleric.
I warned her, that playing a cleric (or any caster) when you're new to D&D is difficult... especially when she has none of the books (all the spells she's getting from D&D Beyond, which doesn't list all the spells, unless you buy the digital Player's Handbook).

But anyway - rambling - made a session where they get a quest from the dwarf who runs the inn; when the Paladin is like, "I still need to collect my reward from the other mission from the mayor..."

And from that; I completely improved the session on the spot (and changed it from the dwarf's mission, to collecting their reward)... and it turned out rather great!
http://tawmis.com/kneurth/adventure-not ... nturers-11

In Anita's group... the party ends up coming upon some survivors fleeing a town that had been attacked by a "dragon-like beast"...
Well, the town's people are kind of right... it is a dragon... just not alive...
http://tawmis.com/kneurth/adventure-not ... e-notes-11

After dispatching the undead dragon, the party needs to take care of another of their mistakes down in a spiraling tower that goes deep underground...
http://tawmis.com/kneurth/adventure-not ... e-notes-12

The party makes it to the next town... the Inn name and owner should sound familiar to most... (I do love referencing things I grew up on!)
http://tawmis.com/kneurth/adventure-not ... arrival-13

In an attempt to help the town... the party enters a mysterious portal and things go sideways...
http://tawmis.com/kneurth/adventure-not ... arrival-14

The party discovers hags are at work... they send the party to go kill a demon, who says the hags are lying, he's the only thing keeping them trapped... and things take a crazy turn!
http://tawmis.com/kneurth/adventure-not ... arrival-15

The Christmas Episode!
http://tawmis.com/kneurth/adventure-not ... arrival-16

Anita takes over to DM, but how does it fit into my world? The bard begins telling this story about these other heroes...
http://tawmis.com/kneurth/adventure-not ... arrival-17

The bard's story continues - but read about how I came to play a female, dwarf bard...
http://tawmis.com/kneurth/adventure-not ... arrival-18

The work game....

The dead cleric rises and tells the party about the War in Heaven and leaves on urgent business (said player's character perished, so he rolled a Warlock)...
Enter the new Warlock and the Elf Cleric (Elf Cleric new to D&D - playing on Discord)
http://tawmis.com/kneurth/adventure-not ... nturers-11

We get another new player (another co-worker) new to D&D who plays a Half-Elf Ranger, and helps the party track down the bandits who abducted the Mayor...
http://tawmis.com/kneurth/adventure-not ... nturers-12

With the main cleric absent this session (and Natalie, not joining till later; knowing this was a boss fight coming up and no cleric would not go well) - I rang in Jessica (who plays a Cleric in Anita's game I DM) to come play a Cleric. So I modified the story that the mayor and his daughter were abducted; the brigands were going to torture the mayor's daughter to make the mayor talk; but she got away (and thus that's Jessica's character)...
http://tawmis.com/kneurth/adventure-not ... nturers-13

With the mayor rescued, the heroes are regarded as heroes in this small town; but now they must return to the quest they were originally assigned - who is poisoning the waters in the dwarven caves? A mystery begins as does several tough fights...
http://tawmis.com/kneurth/adventure-not ... nturers-14

Did you ever wonder what would happen if someone did a mash-up of D&D, the conga dance, the Simpsons, and the Corona virus?

No?

Well ...................

Since they brought in the new virus measures (i.e. everyone must stay home), some people have - understandably - gone a bit crazy, a la "cabin fever" style. And so, for those people, I wrote a conga song! But it's not just any conga song - it's a D&D conga song!

Just imagine your hero is stuck in a room with a lever he must pull, a were-beaver that's possessed by a demon, and Bart Simpson is holding off the beaver-demon with a flaming torch. Sounds implausible? Not if you put it in a conga song! Everybody, dance and sing along!

I got cabin fever!
Gotta pull that lever!
Escape a demon beaver!
Bart's underachiever!

etc.

Bart: And proud of it, man.

Anyway, sorry to waste space with this silliness. Hope you enjoyed it.



And remember ... you don't win friends with salad. (Unless, of course, you do!)

I just wanna know why Maggie's checking out her mom's arse.

Uh ... that's Lisa, not Maggie. Maggie's the baby.

Lisa is sulking because she'd just gone vegetarian, and the family - well, Homer and Bart - started making fun of her by doing a conga line and singing "You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad!" etc. On the second go-round, Marge (the mom) joined the conga.

Pretty soon, Lisa will get annoyed and yell "MOOOM!!!" And Marge will say, "Sorry Lisa, I didn't mean to take sides - I just got caught up in the rhythm."

Rath Darkblade wrote: ↑Wed Apr 01, 2020 4:27 am Uh ... that's Lisa, not Maggie. Maggie's the baby.

Lisa is sulking because she'd just gone vegetarian, and the family - well, Homer and Bart - started making fun of her by doing a conga line and singing "You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad!" etc. On the second go-round, Marge (the mom) joined the conga.

Pretty soon, Lisa will get annoyed and yell "MOOOM!!!" And Marge will say, "Sorry Lisa, I didn't mean to take sides - I just got caught up in the rhythm."

Oh yeah; Lisa, that's who I meant.

(I can't even remember the last time I watched an entire episode of the Simpsons... but it was probably like while they were on like Season 2 or 3...)

They've done a lot of good stuff since season 2 or 3. But I agree: during the first few seasons, when it was new and fresh, many of the best ideas went into making the show. Characters were developing, and even being re-coloured. The writers had a lot more freedom with what the characters could do, and it showed.

Homer wasn't a seemingly unemployed, crazy jerk (as he is now). He was just a lovable dad - slightly stupid but loving and very protective of his wife and kids. An "every day dad", in other words. Eventually, he just got crazier and crazier - or more of a jerk. But some of his best moments are when he's allowed to laugh a bit, to cry a bit - that's what connects him to the audience. Otherwise, he's just a caricature.

Yes, it's funny when Bart wants to jump "Springfield Gorge" on his skateboard, so Homer jumps it himself to teach Bart a lesson ... and thinks "I'm gonna make it!" ... and then - aggghhh! - falls into the gorge. (Ouch). But what really gets me is the bit right before that: Homer about to jump the gorge himself. Bart says, "Don't do it, dad! I swear I won't jump things again!" Homer collapses in tears: "Oh, thank God!!!" And just as they connect ... Homer is in mid-air, without even meaning to. This 2-minute scene is available on Youtube, obviously (although it belongs to FOX, of course - but hey, is there anything that isn't on YouTube?)

I haven't watched The Simpsons in a while. Maybe I should start again, hmm?