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This is nice... getting some compliments still!

DevilMcam;24018602 wrote:This is awesome.

Man_Over_Game;24019115 wrote:I apologize for not responding back, my weekend was pretty busy.
Your writing on the Moon Druid who doesn't want to be is pretty damn stellar. The hook at the end, where it's something forced by a god, got me pretty damn good. I envision this guy being completely spiteful, wearing a bunch of piercings and metal into combat like a medieval biker, with some of the alterations appearing during his Wild Shapes.
On the writing itself, I feel that the weakest parts are probably the conversation with the woman in the woods, as well as showing his disdain for his lineage early on. The conversation feels a bit clunky, although that can be fixed by simply saying that Barius feels odd and compelled to be forthcoming, or it could be cleaned up a bit so it's less clunky and more mysterious. The disdain in the early part of the story could be fixed with a little more explanation, maybe a little more angst, as it currently feels like "I don't like my father or being a Druid, because I don't like being told what to do", which is a bit empty.
Your storyboarding is on point. You definitely managed a damn good twist in a couple paragraphs, I just think that taking perspective of the emotional aspects from the audience's point of view might help clean up some more of the specific events. Amazing job, man.

DevilMcam;24020624 wrote:This is pretty awesome,
Actually Maybe à little to awesome for What I expected. to me Aasimar are like TIEFLING, they most lakely have never seen the planes.
For lvl 1 character I expected est less heroic behavior (for example we swap lucy with mayla in the first part : lucy get kidnapped, rescue party comme to save her, and vampire crumble to dust when they arrive, lucy is now à héro that did nothing)
Man the music though, totally on point

^ SIDENOTE: I ended up writing two other variations of this person's request (which finally had one they were looking for!)

Daghoulish;24021093 wrote:This is really awesome. I've always been bad at making up backstories that aren't bullet points of things that had happened, so do you mind if I leave a character?

Ironheart;24021330 wrote: I think my faves so far are Jesse and Thaddeus, though I’m behind on page 3.
Here be feedback, and gushing. Mostly gushing!
Where do I begin? I really like the tension you’ve built between Gallindrann and Navani- admiration and rivalry are sides of the same coin, and you make Navani’s dilemma clear. She’s afraid to rock the boat with Gethel, and perhaps even took the relationship for granted, much like she took her powers for granted. This is the complexity that I was looking for in Navani’s background.
A couple of lines stand out as highlights are, to me, the most immersive.
There’s a couple of implications in this paragraph in particular that hints to Navani’s familiarity with sorcery (if I’m reading this literally enough?) which I enjoy lots and lots.
I think expounding on this scene, as the scene of her death, can be more immersive by her feeling the thrum of magic, before being left gasping for air as the orcs finish her off. I find the number and the fact she counted it in her memory speaks to the trauma of the event. I think 60 is a bit excessive, ten or so would do. That d6 hit dice isn’t doing her any favors.

A couple of things I think you could improve upon:

There’s a whole bunch of unnecessary dashes here! I think I was catching what was happening- there was a lot of things happening within these two sentences. If I would go over it, I’d put it like this:
“... as more than just a friend. In the event anything ever went wrong with the relationship, we reminded ourselves of how awkward it could be for our families. And so, we buried our feelings. But each time we looked at each other, or our hands brushed against each other, magic crackled and surged in our veins. I felt his way not because I was a sorcerer, but because this was something deeper.”
(Italics for phrases I subbed in to help the sentence flow a bit, or at least tried to.)

I broke up the two sentences into five here, but I still manage to vary the lengths and have it flow similarly. As Curly from City Slickers put it- Do one thing. I would add two things is okay for sentences. Most of the other instances this happens works out, because it’s often signaling an interruption when new information is presented, like Navani seeing her tongue when she’s already horrified by her skin.

Regardless, I love the direction you took with this backstory, and enjoyed the insights it gives into the Yuan-ti that just wants to cast disguise self forever. And that’s the big strength to your writing- as a background, it can be freely expanded upon. Things like other conversations and other elements can be freely added on.

Daghoulish;24021712 wrote:Wow, that's pretty fantastic. Way better than anything I could come up with. With the sorcerer sounding magic, yeah I can see that but I more see it that some orcs of the tribe are born into a pact(fiend in this case). Kind of like orc teiflings. With Truestirke carving out the old pact to make space for the pact, thus the unexpected stabbing. As for the unicorn, that was a surprise. I honestly forgot about the humble unicorn when I was looking at celestials, I was thinking a couatl but I really like this idea better. You wouldn't expect a orc to listen to a unicorn. I'm not sure what else to say beyond fantastic job, I love the picture you weave.

Jaryn;24021934 wrote:This is an absolutely fantastic thread - loving reading all the characters!

Bjarkmundur;24021987 wrote:THIS MAN IS UNSTOPPABLE!
I think it's the beard that gives him powers

AH0098;24022052 wrote:Your work is amazing. I wish I had your quick writing ability.

Jaryn;24023250 wrote:Thank you, that is brilliant! Pretty much spot on what I wanted. I particularly enjoyed the description of the parents and the scene where they found Alathiel.

I would say possibly even better if it had maybe one more paragraph. Would the character go out into the world immediately, or would they need to do a little training/discovery of other abilities too before they felt ready? Genuinely not sure at the moment if it needs that or if it's a better story with him just setting out... Also, for some reason I found the villagers chanting 'be the light' slightly jarring - but this is incredibly subjective and I can't put my finger on why, particularly as I loved the build up of him muttering about it to psych himself up.

Other things I very much enjoyed were the details like the name of the orc clan, and the closing of the guard's eyes before picking up his sword. Fantastic job, thank you again

MrSol;24023469 wrote:Bookmarked the thread for later reading. Absolutely love your writing style!

moonfly7;24024123 wrote:So, I always write my own backstories, and this next character is no exception. In fact, he is a main character in a book I'm currently writing, having first been made for DND, transferred to a book, and then back to DND. But quite frankly, your an AMAZING author, and I would be honored if you would take a crack at Asterius Velo, I need to see how you interpret this.

DrowPiratRobrts;24024973 wrote:This was great! He's a little more intelligent than I had in mind, but I still love it. Also, the description of that fight was perfect! It's exactly why I want to play him and how I'll fight.

MrSol;24026467 wrote:Holy Hell man! Gave me goosebumps! I cant imagine how much work you put into these things. I seriously appreciate it.

I especially like the relationship between his dwarven parents and him. The mother is just like what I would imagine a dwarven mom would be like. I feel like he will occasionally hear her voice in the back of his head: "You be careful now. Cant trust those Mere-folk. Breathing water! Unnatural."
Really like his Father too. Seems like the kind of person who would enjoy teaching his son what his father taught him, before him and his father before him and his father before him and so on.
Great Idea with the names btw, nice touch.
Also really liked the goblin and kobold raid and the necklace. They give good plothooks for later in the campaign that can be expanded on infinitely. My DM is going to love that.

Only thing I would add/expand upon (didn't mention this in the prompt so totally my fault):
I imagined Morgan having a made a bit of name for himself after he left home, as a smith of some skill. Not world famous by any means. Usually smiths in medium to large cities would recognize his makers mark or name. If they don't, they definitely know his fathers.

moonfly7;24026715 wrote:so, first things first: that was amazing! I love the work you did with Dorin, and the link you made between Asterius's eyes and magic? Perfect. Now, to asage ypur previous fears, this is DND Asterius, slightly different from book Asterius. Also, have you been sneaking into my house and reading my novel?????
Because in that, Asterius is raised in a great, magical library, where he researches magic.
Anyways, accusations of house breaking aside, this is amazing. I absolutly love this. I am totally using it for the DND backstory for him.
The only thing that I wpuld say is I have no Idea how he first gets into Artificery, my DM doesn't either. If you ever get free time and happen to come up with that, I'll be greatful. But feel like you have too!!!! This stuff is awesome enough on its own!

Bjarkmundur;24027574 wrote: I loved the suggestion-without-confirmation, using the Pillar of Light. I thought that was a cool way to show how the world isn't black and white, but instead a gray sludge of personal opinions. I attempted to go the more "pagan" route with the devil worship in order to keep it not-evil, but never thought of throwing a church into the mix! I imagined a poor and large immigrant family with its own tradition that was severely misunderstood be the city's native population. By interpreting "worship" as "church" you actually gave Barakas a much more compelling motivation to do what he does. I can see him joining our mercenary company and donating all the money to rebuilding the church. I can even use the Trollskull Alley Tavern rules for doing it, which I think is pretty amazing.

This was a very nice way to move the scenery from the splendor of Waterdeep to the setting where the story takes place. You move on to redeem the Southern Ward via it's landmarks. I feel like this would have better be done by focusing on the people, especially since the focus of the story is the community and the conflict within it.

As with part that came before this in the story, they are both great ways to show the reader Baraka's personality. It's amazing how well you seem to know MY character xD

This is the best part of this story. I love everything about this. The shock, the pacing, and how you managed to create a dramatic 'peaceful' action scene.

Having the Ceremony of Ascension representing the pact was a beautiful touch. You can make a promise to Mythia to become the best version of yourself, and go into the world without prejudice. Having accepted Mythia as your patron, she can then speak through you, like she does in this story.

dragonearth;24027699 wrote:Wow I did not expect this but I love it. I had no idea what to do with a warforged. This is defintly better than what I would have made, Many thanks.
I think because of how he was created in respect to Tarik that he is going to use his name. He also is level three at the start which could show the power used to make him. Also Van’shin I am coming for you

AH0098;24028068 wrote:
Wow that was amazing, I like the spear addition, I might make it an axe since that is a more Barbarian weapon instead of a hunting one, but wow. Thank you so much.
I can't help myself but request an other one, your writing is insanely good.

Jaryn;24029828 wrote:I am also just loving simply reading what you come up with.

CLAY MORE;24030801 wrote:It's quite good! Haven't thought of Caled's cromatic (and evil) heritage as a reason to enforce an eventual sorcerer multiclass. I'll talk with my DM to decide if any of his enstablished characters can fit the roles of Thorwal and Stern. Thank you!

Varise;24031955 wrote:Hey, long time lurker but finally convinced to register and post by this.

^ This was probably one of the most flattering comments... they registered... just to ask me to write a character background for them! Amazing!

Bel-Torac;24032794 wrote:I love your backgrounds so far, keep up the good work.

Jaryn;24033105 wrote:Well please take my compliments for both fingers and mind - really enjoyed reading it - I could almost hear the music in the background!

Bjarkmundur;24035239 wrote:tawmis-canon!
Tawmisverse!
Tawmsonian lore!
Yes!

^ This cracked me up, and reminded me of you Rath, for some reason!

moonfly7;24035267 wrote:This, this is good. Its awesome.
(Is it bad if I want to send you every character concept thats ever been have made just so I can see more of your work?)

Also - this cracked me up - in another thread where the poster was asking for the making of an Oathbreaker that wasn't evil (think someone saying, "I want to play a good aligned Sith!") since most Oathbreakers are Paladins of a Good Alignment who have turned away from their deity for some reason... I had posted a link to a recent Oathbreaker I wrote for someone in my thread, and this person posted in the Oathbreaker thread:

Bjarkmundur;24035235 wrote:I just came by to check if Tawmis had already posted.

Carry on

Tamisonian lore? Well, I do like making up silly words.

I wonder why my long posts are getting deleted. Maybe because I take so long over them that I get logged out? But then I log back in, and copy and paste them in. Besides, I know my last one did show up (I checked). So... eh.

Rath Darkblade wrote: ↑Wed Jul 17, 2019 1:28 am Tamisonian lore? Well, I do like making up silly words.
I wonder why my long posts are getting deleted. Maybe because I take so long over them that I get logged out? But then I log back in, and copy and paste them in. Besides, I know my last one did show up (I checked). So... eh.

His upbeat attitude is what reminds me of you!

As for the vanishing post - yeah I can confirm one of them was there (the Dragonborn reply).

I did something on the admin portal side (resyncing the forums and such) - I am not entirely sure if that will make any difference.

So if it happens again, please report it here: http://sierrahelp.com/forums/viewtopic. ... 539#p71539
If you can give an eta of the date/time the post was made.

Tawmis wrote: ↑Wed Jul 17, 2019 2:44 am

Rath Darkblade wrote: ↑Wed Jul 17, 2019 1:28 am Tamisonian lore? Well, I do like making up silly words.
I wonder why my long posts are getting deleted. Maybe because I take so long over them that I get logged out? But then I log back in, and copy and paste them in. Besides, I know my last one did show up (I checked). So... eh.

His upbeat attitude is what reminds me of you!

Glad I can help!

Tawmis wrote: ↑Wed Jul 17, 2019 2:44 amI did something on the admin portal side (resyncing the forums and such) - I am not entirely sure if that will make any difference.

So if it happens again, please report it here: http://sierrahelp.com/forums/viewtopic. ... 539#p71539
If you can give an eta of the date/time the post was made.

Hmm ... I can't remember the exact time, but I know I posted it on what was Tuesday morning here (probably between 11am and 12pm). I'm not sure how that translates to the timezone where you are, Tawm - but I am 18 hours ahead of Washington, DC. So when I posted that Dragonborn post, it was Monday night in Washington, between 9pm and 10pm.

I'm afraid I can't narrow it down any more than that ... sorry. Hopefully that helps!

Rath Darkblade wrote: ↑Thu Jul 18, 2019 8:11 pm Hmm ... I can't remember the exact time, but I know I posted it on what was Tuesday morning here (probably between 11am and 12pm). I'm not sure how that translates to the timezone where you are, Tawm - but I am 18 hours ahead of Washington, DC. So when I posted that Dragonborn post, it was Monday night in Washington, between 9pm and 10pm.
I'm afraid I can't narrow it down any more than that ... sorry. Hopefully that helps!

Well if it happens again, let us know in the thread I linked. I ran something on the forum that may or may not help.

http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showsing ... tcount=161

Originally Posted by moonfly7 View Post
A dwarf necromamcer wizard, except he's a paleontologist. He specialises in finding fossils, and then bringing the ancient, extinct species back to life after he uses his dwarven mining knowledge to chip them from the stone. He also helps bring non fossilized extinct species back.
His name is Bart stonechipper.
If it's not to much to ask, I'd like to see it done in a style similare to the vigilante paladin. But if you have a different idea, go for it, I completely trust your judgement.

Phew. Work has been rough. My brain is running on it's last brain cell.
Between work and working on this birthday video thing I am doing at home, phew!
I feel like I am missing the mark here...
I had a hard time with a Dwarf going into Necromancy (and not being evil... It wasn't clear if you wanted evil or not, so I sided with not evil...)
Which presented a challenge...
And then the dinosaur thing (fossils is easy, but a Necromancer who brings Dinosaurs to life was difficult, because there's no spell or feat or anything in D&D that comes close to that)...
So it took some HEAVY creative lifting to explain how it was done once... let alone to continue to be able to do it...
But yeah, this one I wasn't able to fully get behind, so I apologize if it disappoints!
But please, still leave feedback - especially if you didn't like it - what you didn't like and that allows me to possibly revisit it (after I do the other requests) and get it closer to what you want...
Enjoy!
=====================================
The Eye of the Storm, despite its name was not the center of a massive storm. According to legend this is where the Eye of Gruumsh fell. It struck the world with such force it create a massive crater and wiped out an entire species of animals that lived in this region for nearly one hundred miles.

The crater was nearly forty feet deep and one mile wide. The inside of the crater was now a jungle of animals, in some cases, solely unique to the crater itself.

Scaling down a massive crater can be nerve wracking.

“Our kind has a very long lifespan,” Jorasic Stonecutter grumbled as he and two others climbed down the side of a massive crater, “but doin’ things like this can shorten yer life.”

Jorasic was Dwarf with black hair that had streaks of grey flashing through it as if it had captured the motion of falling stars during a moonless night. Jorasic was one who tended to worry about everything and stroked his beard fiercely when consumed with that feeling. Most had teased him that one day he would have no beard due to the constant motion of tugging on his black and grey hairs.

Just below Jorasic was another Dwarf – a cousin, three times removed – by the name of Nord Forgehammer who in every regard was just the opposite of his cousin. Nord had white hair on his head and beard but was much younger than he appeared. He had a jovial nature that often got him into plenty of trouble because people said he lacked common sense.

Then there’s me, Bart Stonechipper – also a Dwarf like my two companions, and much like them, directly related. Nord and I were half-brothers (we had the same mother, different fathers). Nord’s father had perished in a battle against Drow and my father was Nord’s father’s best friend. He took care of the Nord’s mother, fell in love with her over the years, and married her. A few short years later I was born.

Family, you can typically count on them, even if they’re half brothers and cousins three times removed. They’d agreed to go on this expedition with me to the Eye of the Storm knowing it could be several weeks.

Jorasic specialized in working with leather, while Nord had taken after his father and become a renowned armorer. I had walked a different path. My mother and father had both pondered if they had done something wrong raising me. Unlike the others I dabbled into the arts of Magic. It’s true, most Dwarves don’t venture into understanding magic – but that’s what had made it appealing to me. Growing up I saw Dwarves crafting amazing weapons and armor, but no one knew had to craft a spell. The more I researched the Arcane World, the more I realized how diverse it was. The one so few understood, or perhaps, dared to dabble in was the one that had interested me the most because it had the most to offer in regard to learning. That school of magic was Necromancy.

Jorasic’s voice pulled me from my thoughts. “Listen; are we almost to the bottom?”

“Just open your eyes and look,” Nord teased knowing that Jorasic had a terrible fear of heights. He always said, ‘If we were meant to enjoy heights, the gods would have made us taller!’

“You can always let go of the rope and just meet us at the bottom,” I teased as I continued to edge my way down the side of the crater.

“Funny, coming from the wizard who can cast a spell to make him as light as a feather! I don’t see why you didn’t do that to begin with!” Jorasic complained.

“You would have never let me cast it on you,” I shouted upward, “because you don’t trust magic!”

“No, I don’t,” he admitted, “especially the weird, dark magic you spend your time casting! It’s not natural you know! Leave the dead be!”

I chuckled, “Despite what you may think, I don’t spend my nights alone, sitting in the Great Tombs, speaking and raising the dead.”

It was a small sacrifice to make but engaging Jorasic to talk about the negatives of me and my choice to study Necromancy kept him focused on the discussion

When we finally reached the bottom (for which Jorasic was eternally thankful), Nord turned to me and asked, “So what is this gaping hole in the ground?”

Standing inside the crater, I felt the energy crackling all around me… Was it because of the Fall of the Eye? I looked around me and all I could see was an entire jungle that had sprung up at the bottom of the crate and the sounds coming from it indicated it was teeming with life.

“Depends on the story you believe,” I explained, as I slung my backpack over my shoulder. “The most common story is that when Corellon Larethian shot an arrow at Gruumsh and struck him so that he dislodged the Orc God’s eye that it came crashing down onto the world below. Infused with magic born of any deity, the energy emitted from the eye changed the world around it.”

Nord looked at me, “The orcs would have you believe that Gruumsh is infallible so there is no way that Corellon Larethian would have ever bested him.”

Jorasic tugged at his beard as he looked around, “So we’re here to… what? Collect energy signatures or something?”

“Yes,” I replied, which was, at best a partial truth.

Closer to the actual truth involved the small little detail of a human I had met who had come to Iron Keep seeking shelter from Orcs he had escaped. We took him in, and he seemed wizardly so he caught my attention. I began speaking with him and he shared with me an ancient human tome on history which spoke of ancient reptiles that roamed the world that were like wingless dragons. The tome explained that many of these beasts died in the extinction event of The Fall of the Eye, as it’s affectionately called.

We had set up camp near the crater wall since the jungle seemed like it might be too dangerous come night. As we were setting up camp, I heard Jorasic’s trembling voice whisper, “What in the Greystone is that?”

I turned my head and saw a lizard about the size of a chicken, standing on two legs, head tilting and turning quickly, like a chicken or pigeon. I had studied the human’s tome of history for as long as he had let me and knew immediately it was a Compsognathus. Few were even known to exist outside of the crater, so that seemed to lend some truth to the lore found in the tome. The ‘dinosaurs’ as they had been called lived in this region; and some still seemed to thrive in the crater. I made a sound at it and waved my hands and the Compsognathus quickly darted away but would visit us throughout the night with about sixteen others of the same kind.

I took a small cup and placed it on the log and filled it with water. When I did not drink it, Nord asked me if I was waiting for something. I smiled and explained, “It’s something I read in the human’s book. It’s the best way to detect larger species of dinosaurs.”

Just as we were going to bed, unpacking our bedrolls, we heard what sounded like an explosion. Naturally it was Jorasic who was shouting, “What was that?”

We had stopped what we were doing and glanced at one another. Jorasic was viciously tugging at his beard.

The boom came again. Then one more time. There were long gaps. I looked at the cup and saw the water shimmering. I counted between the booms. It wasn’t an explosion; it was a dinosaur. Against the moonlight I could see a neck that seemed to stretch for miles which attached to a large, round body whose legs were like tree trunks. “An Apatosaurus,” I whispered pointing.

Jorasic was beside himself, “The thing could eat us in one bite!”

“Good thing they’re herbivores,” I replied.

“Would not stop them from accidentally eating us or stepping on us,” he added.

Excavating was a slow, painful process, but the following morning I began excavating some of the area. I was looking for something. They knew I was here to find fossils.

But last night; the energy and the magic I could feel coursing through my veins, gave me a brand-new idea. One that neither of them would ever approve of (and probably with good reason). As I chipped away at the side of the crater’s wall, I looked back at the others.

Nord had been the one who taught me how to fine tune using a hammer. While he used it to pound metal vigorously, I used it to gently chip away at the crater wall. Jorasic was working on some leather working, fascinated by the reptiles that dominated the crater. He was still jumpy every time he saw a new one, wondering if it was there to devour him, and I had to reassure him each time that he was safe. (Although the baby raptors were a concern, that meant there were adult ones somewhere, but there was no need to tell Jorasic the truth about them).

It was two days of chipping away at the crater wall before I found what I was looking for. The fossil skull of a “Thunder Lizard.” The fabled Thunder Lizard was said to have some relation to Wyverns. Diagrams showed that the beast stood over thirty feet tall, had an endless row of teeth, enormous claws on their feet, but small arms that were ineffectual. This is what started the theory that they were related to Wyverns; over time, they developed massive wings.

Neither Nord nor Jorasic could figure out why I was so excited about finding a fossil – they had been with me in plenty other places where I’d found some.

Nord and Jorasic both agreed to stay long, though Jorasic wasn’t pleased about it, but he agreed to stay, undoubtedly influenced by Nord’s decision. It took two weeks (and Jorasic reminded us every day about the numerous times he was “being eaten alive” by insects) before I was able to clear the massive skull from the crater’s wall safely.

“Do you plan to take that thing back to Iron Gate?” Nord asked. “Because hefting it up the crater wall might be a problem.”

“No,” I said. “It will stay here. But I want to study it.”

That was a lie. The two weeks spent in the Eye of the Storm had changed me. The magic was crackling at my fingertips.

The following morning I took the large skull out to a small clearing in front of the jungle. Using my notes that I had taken from an ancient tome I found in the Greystone Library that dealt with Necromancy, I traced to the best of my ability the symbols I had hastily copied.

Sitting down in front of the fossil, I faced it and began chanting the words from my notebook. An unusual wind picked up, and as I chanted the words, pages began to fly away as I read the last line, as if someone were standing next to me tearing the pages away from me as I finished reading them.

Suddenly a green energy formed in the eye sockets of the fossil.

The wind toppled me over and as I quickly scampered to my feet, I saw the head beginning to levitate.

“What have you done?” Nord asked as he came to stand behind me.

I didn’t answer – instead I watched as the head floated further upward. There was a burst of green energy. Momentarily blinded, I rubbed my eyes and suddenly saw that the energy had enveloped the skull and began flickering and flashing wildly.

“Is that forming… a body?” Jorasic stammered.

After a few short moments the thunder lizard stood tall. Almost thirty feet tall, small beady eyes with new life stared around in momentary confusion. The Tyrannosaurus Rex tilted its head up and roared.

“What have you done?” Nord repeated.

I snapped out of the trance I had been in and looked up at the Tyrannosaurus Rex. “I don’t believe it worked,” I said in awe.

“Run!” was the next sound I heard from Jorasic as the large beast looked over in our direction.

We had scrambled into the small crevice we had dug getting the skull and after an hour the large beast gave us and began looking for an easier meal.

“You’ve unleashed a new beast,” Nord whispered.

“It will never be able to climb out of here,” I replied as we climbed out of the small hole.

“How did you even do that?” Nord asked. “You looked like you were in some kind of trance.”

“The energy here,” I said. “I can feel it in me. It’s awakened something in me.”

I noticed that Jorasic and Nord shared a nervous exchange and Jorasic’s beard was much whiter.

Jorasic looked at me. “We are leaving now, right? Because I do not feel comfortable with that thing you unleashed being in the same area we are.”

“Yes,” I nodded, suddenly feeling exhausted. “We should get out of here.”

Just as we reached the top of the crater, I heard the roar of the Tyrannosaurus Rex again.

http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showsing ... tcount=163

Originally Posted by clash View Post
Here is another one for you.
Elias stonewall. Human paladin of conquest who swore an oath of knighthood to protect the weak speak only truth and to root out all evil

I feel like this one is a little shorter than what I normally do...
But I feel like it was easy getting inside the mind of the character...
And the Red Eye Orcs are Orcs I've used in other people's origins...
And the Pillar of Light is also an organization I've previously introduced in someone else's origin...
Hopefully it's what you're looking for?
I'd love to hear feedback, regardless! Good or bad, let me know!
===========================
I was only fifteen when I saw the horrors of war.

The Red Eye Orcs had invaded our town for the sheer sport of murder and chaos. If they managed to steal resources as well, that was just bonus. But they were complete savages killing man, woman and child alike, without hesitation.

My mother and father were cut down before my eyes, and I only barely managed to survive by crawling under a wagon that they had ignited. Right across from me was an orphanage, and the Red Eye had circled all the children and women that worked there and kept them trapped as they burned it down to the ground, laughing all the while.

The horrified screams of those children and women have fueled my nightmares.

After the Red Eye Orcs were gone, I crawled out from beneath the wagon that was still burning and looked at the destruction of my town. Of the hundred or so people who lived in Crestfall, only a handful of us had survived their onslaught.

I wondered if the gods had spared me for a reason. Did they make me witness this horror for some greater cause?

We dug up our dead and buried the bodies that we could. Most of the children in the women in the orphanage were so badly burned that their bodies had melted together. For them, we left them there and turned the building into a memorial. Those that survived with me; the handful that they were, worked together, and we were almost like a family. We all agreed that the memories here were too painful and we gathered whatever resources we could and left for Stormhaven, the larger city only a few days away.

In Stormhaven I met another human by the name of Brell Stormhammer. He had seen us approaching Stormhaven and asked what had happened. When he learned that the Red Eye were behind the attacks, he gathered other Paladins to hunt them down.

Two weeks later, with far fewer men, Brell Stormhammer returned. He found me in Stormhaven and explained that they had tracked down and killed the Red Eye Orcs that had been responsible for the slaughter. He then asked if my family perished in the attack and when I explained they had, he offered me a place at his side, among the other Paladins of his Order. He explained that they followed Tempus, the God of War, and that the symbol on his shield; an upright flaming sword was the symbol of Tempus.

Through Brell I learned the ways of the Order. Douse the Flame of Hope in your enemies. It is never enough to simply defeat them in battle, but make them fear you, so that they understand that there is no way they will escape justice. Because the world was full of chaos and mischief and murder, it is best to rule with an Iron Fist and find those who would seek to disrupt your order. And lastly, always be ready for a challenge – because you should always be tested to ensure you are the strongest one. If you are weak, then the Order has an area that can be exposed. If it can be exposed it can be broken. Never be weak. Not just for you, but for the Order.

I spent two years with Brell Stormhammer, sometimes just preparing his mount so he could go ride off to put an end to some other enemy; sometimes he granted me permission to ride with him. By the age of eighteen, I was brought into the Order of Tempus under the Paladins who called themselves The Pillar of Light.

The Pillar of Light taught me that if something comes from evil, then evil is in its veins. Never trust it. All races are, naturally, capable of evil – but there are those that have it in their blood (such as Tieflings and Half-Orcs, even Sorcerers), and those that dabble into darkness (such as Warlocks) – they are not to be trusted.

I have now spent two years with the Pillar of Light, honoring Tempus. There are many who dislike our methods and calls us names such as Knight Tyrants or Iron Mongers, because we acted without mercy.

But that helped keep the land in order.

Never again would anyone have to hear the dying sounds of children. Never. Again.

My name is Elias Stonewall, and that is my oath.

http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showsing ... tcount=164

Originally Posted by Dessunri View Post
I want to play a female Wood Elf fighter. I don't have too much of a backstory for her except that she went against her families wishes in becoming a fighter, they wanted her to find a husband and raise a family. She is a dex based fighter with a rapier and isn't a very open person. I don't even have a name for her yet. I'd appreciate your help with a backstory! I know I haven't given you much to go on; but, maybe a blank slate is the best way to start?
EDIT if it helps, i'll be picking up a couple spells as I level her up via the Ritual Caster feat and the Wood Elf Magic feat. I'll build her as a pure, battle master fighter. Her alignment would be good of some sort, not likely lawful.

It's another short one, but once again, felt like it was easy to get into her head space...
I enjoyed the idea of conflict with the family (that part was easy!)...
But I wanted to dive deeper, so... I mended fences at the end... To give an emotional tie to it all.
Please let me know what you like or dislike - any feedback is welcome!
Enjoy!
======================================
Elarwyn Forest.

This used to be my home. It feels strange coming back.

Six years ago, my family and I parted on less than… pleasant ways.

“Salyna,” I could hear my mother saying, “it’s almost time for you to find someone. To settle down. Bare children.”

I was not like my mother. When she was young, she had fallen in love with my father, and they had six children – myself being the youngest among them.

When I was young, I was already wrestling with my two older brothers. My mother would come rushing out and break us apart.

“That’s no way for a woman to act!” she would say, shaking her finger at me.

“I am not a woman, yet, mother!” I’d bark back. “I am just a girl!”

“If other boys see you playing like that,” she would counter, “they will remember that when you get older and think how un-lady like you were acting!”

“Good!” I would laugh, “If I scared them, then they wouldn’t be a good fit for me!”

The play fighting between my brothers and I never stopped. As we got older, they would show me how to use a rapier since in Elarwyn, women were not allowed to learn how to fight since that was not their place. My brothers, like me, thought that the idea of not teaching a woman to fight was ridiculous. Evil came in all forms, whether it was a marauding band of Red Eye Orcs, or even one of our own – everyone should learn how to defend themselves.

The problem was, I was interested in more than defending myself. I was interested in fighting and joining the front lines against the Red Eye Orcs. Despite my proven skill, thanks to my brothers, when I presented the idea of me joining the ranks, I was declined without even considering my skill (even though I had bested six of the eight men who they sent against me to test my skill).

That had been the final straw, and that’s when I left to go out to the world beyond the forest and see if I could join others who would accept me for who I am despite my race or my gender, and accept me for my skill.

As I suspected, in the world beyond the woods, there were others like me – others who sought out adventure. Not all of them used swords; some used magic; some used their fists. But it was refreshing to know that I had not made a mistake.

But tonight, it’s not about telling my parents that I was right. The reason I had come back to Elarwyn Forest was because my father had fallen grievously ill and was not expected to live for much longer.

I met up with four of my brothers (Taris, the second oldest, had died a few years ago, while patrolling the border of the forest). I didn’t even know my brother had died, until tonight, when I met with my other brothers. Apparently, my mother had told my brothers that she had sent word for me, but that I had declined to come because I was “too busy.”

I was angry to learn this. But when we got to our home in the woods, all of that anger was set aside. My father, in bed, pale as the moon, my mother so thin, she looked like a twig, because she had stopped eating the day my father grew ill… It was impossible to stay angry.

We stayed for six night, and on the sixth night, my father, with all of us around him, breathed his final breath.

There was a ceremony and a celebration of life, where we all spoke of the many stories that revolved around my father.

During the Celebration of Life, my mother had approached me and apologized, both for the way she treated me, and for never telling me about Taris’ death.

I smiled at my mother, and told her I understood.

She asked, knowing the answer, if I would be staying long.

My name is Salyna Moonglade, and I am a woman who has grown up fighting against the odds and learning to live and fight in the world beyond my home. I have lost my father, one of my brothers, and my home, but I never lost sight of who I am.

All right ... I'm going to do some creative editing with the dwarf necromancer story. I feel you're telling us about these characters, not showing us. (How can we show? One way is through dialogue. Don't tell us, "Jorasic was a dwarf with black hair that had streaks of grey as if it had captured the motion of falling stars during a moonless night.". Rather: "Jorasic's black hair rustled in the wind. The grey streaks reminded me of falling stars on a moonless night". See the difference?

I also didn't like the name "Jorasic" - it reminded me too much of "Jurassic", as in "Jurassic Park". But hey, they're your dwarves. )

So let me see... *cracks knuckles*

===================
The Eye of the Storm, despite its name, was not the center of a massive storm. According to legend, this is where the Eye of Gruumsh fell. It struck the world with so much force it created a massive crater and wiped out an entire species of animals that lived in this region for nearly a hundred years.

The crater was nearly forty feet deep and one mile wide. The inside of the crater was now a jungle of animals, in some cases, solely unique to the crater itself.

Scaling down a massive crater can be nerve wracking.

“Our kind has a very long lifespan, but doin’ things like this can shorten yer life!” Jorasic Stonecutter grumbled. His black hair rustled in the wind, and the grey streaks reminded me of falling stars on a moonless night. He, my half-brother and I climbed down the side of the massive crater.

"Och, dinnae fash yerself, Jorasic!" Nord called out cheerfully and shook his white beard. "We'll be home fer dinner, nae worries."

"Aye, weel." Jorasic stroked his beard fiercely.

"An' dinnae do that! Ye'll ha' no beard lef'!"

"Ye just watch where yez puttin' yer feet, Nord Forgehammer," Jorasic said. "Yez got nae common sens'!"

And then there was I, Bart Stonechipper.

"Where is we, ha'-brother?" I said.

There was no reply.

"Nord?" I tried again.

"The Eye of Gruumsh," Jorasic said dolefully. "Dinnae forget, Nord, that yer da died fightin' them damnable Drow. Bart's da was his best friend, and he took care o' yer ma--"

"Yeah, I know." Nord balanced himself against the cliff. "An' fell in love wi' her, married her. An' Bart's me step-brother. Watch yer step, Bart - this here's a doozy!"

Ah, family. Ye could count on 'em, even if they’re half-brothers. They agreed to go on this expedition, and they knew it could be weeks.

Jorasic was a master. Gi' him leather, an' he could make anything from it.

Nord took after his da and become an armorer.

I walked a different path. Me ma and da often pondered if they raised me right. Y'see ... I dabbled in Magic. It’s true, most Dwarves don’t venture into understanding magic – but that’s what appealed to me.

When I was a lad, I seen Dwarves craftin' fantastic weapons and armor, but no one knew had to craft a spell. The more I researched the Arcane World, the more I realized how diverse it was. The one so few understood - or dared to dabble in, perhaps - interested me the most. It had the most to offer.

Necromancy.

"Bart!" Jorasic’s voice pulled me from my reverie. “We almost to th'bottom?”

“Look for yourself,” Nord teased. "Oh yeah, I forget - yer 'fraid o' heights, ain't cha? What was it ye always said? ‘If we were meant to enjoy heights, the gods would have made us taller!’ Right?"

“Ha! Ye can jus' let go of th'rope an' meet us at th'bottom, Jorasic!” I edged my way down the side of the crater.

“Funny, comin' from a wizard who can make himself as light as a feather!" Jorasic complained. "Why you didn’t do that to begin with, huh?”

“You would have never let me cast it on you,” I shouted. “That's 'cos you don’t trust magic.”

“No," Jorasic's face was pale. "I don’t. Especially that weird, dark magic you spend your time learnin'. Unnatural, you know. Leave the dead be.”

“Ha! I don't care what you think, Jorasic," I chuckled. "I don’t sit in the Great Tombs at nights, nor do I raise the dead an' speak to 'em.”

It was a small sacrifice, but getting Jorasic to talk about my choice to study Necromancy kept him focused on the discussion, and away from thinking about the drop. Don' look down, under no account look down, 'cos down there was aughhgaaaaaa--

We finally reached the bottom. "Phew!" Jorasic removed his helmet and wiped his brow. "'Tis good to feel solid earth 'neath yer feet again."

"So, ha'-brother" Nord said, “what's this gapin' hole i'th'ground?”

I stood in the crater felt the energy crackling all around me. Was it a'cos of the Fall of the Eye? All I could see was a jungle that had sprung up at the bottom of the crate. By the sound of things, it teemed with life.

“Depends on which story you believe.” I slung my backpack over my shoulder. “The most common story is this: Corellon Larethian shot an arrow at Gruumsh and struck him in the eye, and the Orc God’s eye came crashing down onto the world below. Infused with magic born of any deity, the energy emitted from the eye changed the world around it.”

"Is that true?" Nord looked at me. “The orcs believe that Gruumsh is infallible, so there is no way Corellon could best him.”

“So what are here to do?" Jorasic tugged at his beard and looked around. "Collect energy signatures or something?”

“Yes,” I said. It was the truth, but not the whole truth.

A human escaped Orcs and came to Iron Keep seeking shelter. We took him in, and since he seemed wizardly, he caught my attention. I began speaking with him and he shared an ancient human tome on history, which spoke of ancient reptiles that roamed the world, looking like wingless dragons. The tome explained that many of these beasts died in the extinction event of The Fall of the Eye.

We set up camp near the crater wall; the jungle looked too dangerous to be in at night. Then I heard Jorasic’s trembling voice whisper, “What in the Greystone is that?”

A lizard about the size of a chicken stood on two legs. Its head tilted and turned quickly, like a chicken or pigeon. I studied the human’s tome of history for as long as he had let me, and knew immediately it was a Compsognathus. Few were even known to exist outside of the crater, so that seemed to lend some truth to the lore found in the tome.

The ‘dinosaurs’, as they had been called, lived in this region; and some still seemed to thrive in the crater. I made a sound at it and waved my hands, and the Compsognathus quickly darted away; but it visited us throughout the night with about sixteen others of the same kind.

I took a small cup, placed it on the log and filled it with water. When I didn't drink it, Nord asked me if I was waiting for something.

I smiled. “It’s something I read in the human’s book. It’s the best way to detect larger species of dinosaurs.”

Just as we unpacked our bedrolls, we heard an explosion.

“What was that?” Jorasic shouted.

We stopped what we were doing and glanced at one another.

"Jorasic!" Nord said. "Stop tuggin' at yer beard like that!"

The boom came again. then once more. There were long gaps. The water shimmered in my cup. I counted between the booms. It wasn’t an explosion, but a dinosaur. Against the moonlight I could see a neck that seemed to stretch for miles. It was attached to a large, round body on legs were like tree trunks.

“An Apatosaurus,” I pointed.

"W-why are we here?" Jorasic was beside himself. “The thing could eat us in one bite!”

“Good thing they’re herbivores,” I said.

“Wouldn't stop 'em from steppin' on us or eatin' us!” He said.

Excavating was a slow, painful process, but the following morning I started to excavate some of the area.

"What're you here to find, cuz?" Jorasic said. "Fossils?"

"Aye."

Last night I felt energy and magic coursing through my veins. It gave me a new idea, which neither of them would approve of - probably with good reason. I chipped away at the side of the crater’s wall and looked back at the others.

Nord was the one who taught me how to fine-tune using a hammer. He pounded metal with it; I gently chipped away at the crater wall.

Jorasic worked on some leather, cutting and stitching and hardening it. He was fascinated in spite of himself by the reptiles that dominated the crater. He was still jumpy every time he saw a new one, wondering if it was there to devour him, and I had to reassure him each time that he was safe. The baby raptors were a concern, though, but there were adult ones somewhere. Still, there was no need to tell Jorasic about them.

Two days of chipping later, I found what I was looking for: the fossilized skull of a “Thunder Lizard.” The fabled Thunder Lizard was said to have some relation to Wyverns. Diagrams showed that the beast stood over thirty feet tall, had an endless row of teeth, enormous clawed feet, and small, ineffectual arms. This is what started the theory that they were related to Wyverns; over time, they developed massive wings.

Neither Nord nor Jorasic could figure out why I was so excited about finding a fossil. They had been with me in plenty other places where I’d found some.

They both agreed to stay. Jorasic wasn’t pleased about it, but he agreed to stay; undoubtedly Nord's enthusiasm influenced him. It took two weeks - and Jorasic constant reminders about “being eaten alive” by insects - before I was able to clear the massive skull from the wall.

“Do you plan to take that thing back to Iron Gate?” Nord asked. “Hefting it up the crater wall might be a problem.”

“No,” I said. “It will stay here. But I want to study it.”

That was a lie. By the end of those two weeks in the Eye of the Storm, I had magic crackling from my fingertips.

The next morning, I took the large skull out to a small clearing in front of the jungle. Using the notes I took from an ancient Necromancy tome I found in the Greystone Library, I traced the symbols.

I sat down in front of the fossil, faced it and began chanting the words from my notebook. An unusual wind picked up; still as I chanted the words. Pages began to fly away as I read the last line, as if someone was tearing the pages away.

A green light of energy formed in the fossil's eye sockets.

The wind toppled me over, but I quickly scampered to my feet and saw the head levitate.

“What have you done?” Nord said.

I didn’t answer. The head floated further upward. There was a burst of green energy. I rubbed my eyes. The light enveloped the skull and began to flick and flash.

“Is that forming… a body?” Jorasic said.

The thunder lizard stood tall. Almost thirty feet tall, small beady eyes with new life stared around in momentary confusion. The Tyrannosaurus Rex tilted its head up and roared.

“What have you done?” Nord said.

I snapped out of the trance and looked up at the Tyrannosaurus Rex. “I can’t believe it worked,” I said.

The beast looked over in our direction.

“Run!” Jorasic yelled.

We scrambled into the small crevice the skull came from. After an hour, the beast gave up on us and began looking for an easier meal.

“You’ve unleashed a new beast,” Nord whispered.

“It will never be able to climb out of here,” I said as we climbed out of the small hole.

“How did you even do that?” Nord said. “You looked like you were in some kind of trance.”

“The energy here,” I said. “I can feel it in me. It’s awakened something in me.”

Jorasic and Nord shared a glance. Jorasic’s beard was pure white, whiter than I'd ever seen.

“We leave now, boy," Jorasic said. "I don' feel right with that ... thing.”

“Yes,” I nodded. My limbs felt heavy. I could hardly keep my eyes open. “We ... let's get out of here.”

We reached the top of the crater. Behind me, I heard the Tyrannosaurus Rex roar again.
===================

Hope you like it! I took some time over it and, gave Jorasic, Nord and Bart a separate "voice". But you created them and gave them their characteristics (like Jorasic's fear of heights). I'm just editing the story around the edges.

Rath Darkblade wrote: ↑Thu Jul 18, 2019 10:28 pm I also didn't like the name "Jorasic" - it reminded me too much of "Jurassic", as in "Jurassic Park". But hey, they're your dwarves. )

That was intentional as a part of the joke (since he wanted to be a Necromancer that resurrects Dinosaurs - and he'd already named his character in the request - I wanted to name one of them something that ties to "Jurassic Park" - and landed on "Jorasic" (which is intentionally pronounce "Jor-ass-ick" which is intentionally close to JURASSIC). There's two other Jurassic Park "nods" (the glass with the water, and the TRex roaring at the end).

Rath Darkblade wrote: ↑Thu Jul 18, 2019 10:28 pm "Och, dinnae fash yerself, Jorasic!" Nord called out cheerfully and shook his white beard. "We'll be home fer dinner, nae worries."

I have no idea (I get the accent) but what "fash" means in that sentence?
This is why I purposely don't write heavy accents.
The way I figure, in story telling, the characters speaking are speaking clearly to one another.
I would rather go with, "Don't worry yourself, Jorasic," he said with a heavy Irish/Scottish/Dwarven/Whatever accent.
Because you take it too far and it can become a challenge for the reader to understand what you're trying to say - and the moment that happens, they fall out of the story being told.

Now that said, if there's a group - and some of them have different accents, then I'd be more inclined to use "accented dialogue" to show a difference between different people speaking.

Rath Darkblade wrote: ↑Thu Jul 18, 2019 10:28 pm Jorasic was a master. Gi' him leather, an' he could make anything from it.

I do like this (minus the accent).

I think the problem is - we just assume (and why?) that all Dwarves have these over the top thick Irish/Scottish accents. But if you've read Dragonlance, characters like Forge (A Dwarf) had no such accent.

Rath Darkblade wrote: ↑Thu Jul 18, 2019 10:28 pm We finally reached the bottom. "Phew!" Jorasic removed his helmet and wiped his brow. "'Tis good to feel solid earth 'neath yer feet again."

I do like the line of thanking the fact that they'd reached solid ground!

Rath Darkblade wrote: ↑Thu Jul 18, 2019 10:28 pm I stood in the crater felt the energy crackling all around me. Was it a'cos of the Fall of the Eye? All I could see was a jungle that had sprung up at the bottom of the crate. By the sound of things, it teemed with life.

This is another one where the a'cos throws me off - took me a second reading of the line to understand you were implying "because."

Rath Darkblade wrote: ↑Thu Jul 18, 2019 10:28 pm Hope you like it! I took some time over it and, gave Jorasic, Nord and Bart a separate "voice". But you created them and gave them their characteristics (like Jorasic's fear of heights). I'm just editing the story around the edges.

I did like the other notes and additions, especially since of all of these that I've done - this one was by far one of my weakest. A long, rough, and very busy work week, and non-stop editing at home for a birthday video I am doing, have left me exhausted at all ends... and I feel like when I came back to do this and gave myself an hour to write it... I wasn't connecting to the story.

Tawmis wrote: ↑Thu Jul 18, 2019 11:56 pm

Rath Darkblade wrote: ↑Thu Jul 18, 2019 10:28 pm "Och, dinnae fash yerself, Jorasic!" Nord called out cheerfully and shook his white beard. "We'll be home fer dinner, nae worries."

I have no idea (I get the accent) but what "fash" means in that sentence?
This is why I purposely don't write heavy accents.

I'm sorry. I write a lot, I studied the UK for a long time, and I have friends there, so accents (particularly UK ones) and words are my passion. They're a way to give different people their own 'voice'.

"Fash" ("dinna fash yersel’") has two main meanings; one being not to get annoyed by a situation, and the other being not to inconvenience yourself with something or someone.

For example, ‘dinna fash yersel, it was an accident,’ means "Don't get annoyed over something accidental". ‘Dinna fash yersel wi’ cooking, we’ll go oot fur a meal,’ means "Don't hassle yourself with cooking a meal, we'll go out."

Uses of the word in Scots have been recorded as early as the sixteenth century, and appears to be derived from the medieval French verb ‘fascher’ (meaning 'to anger/enrage').

Tawmis wrote: ↑Thu Jul 18, 2019 11:56 pm I think the problem is - we just assume (and why?) that all Dwarves have these over the top thick Irish/Scottish accents. But if you've read Dragonlance, characters like Forge (A Dwarf) had no such accent.

Hmmm. You're right - not all dwarves speak with Scottish accents. The trouble is, when you play fantasy games, the voice actors always give them Scottish accents - not sure why. Perhaps it's because a Scottish accent (especially a Glasgow one) can sound rough, and even violent. Just listen to Billy Connolly for a while.

I'm not sure about Irish accents. Scottish accents and Irish ones are very different (and I wouldn't try to write an Irish accent, I don't know how). No problem - I'll drop the accents.

Tawmis wrote: ↑Thu Jul 18, 2019 11:56 pm

Rath Darkblade wrote: ↑Thu Jul 18, 2019 10:28 pm I stood in the crater felt the energy crackling all around me. Was it a'cos of the Fall of the Eye? All I could see was a jungle that had sprung up at the bottom of the crate. By the sound of things, it teemed with life.

This is another one where the a'cos throws me off - took me a second reading of the line to understand you were implying "because."

I'm sorry. "Because" is usually shortened to "'cos", though, isn't it? For example, "I did it 'cos I wanted to". So I didn't think the "a'cos" would throw you off. Sorry about that!

Rath Darkblade wrote: ↑Fri Jul 19, 2019 10:02 am

Tawmis wrote: ↑Thu Jul 18, 2019 11:56 pm

Rath Darkblade wrote: ↑Thu Jul 18, 2019 10:28 pm "Och, dinnae fash yerself, Jorasic!" Nord called out cheerfully and shook his white beard. "We'll be home fer dinner, nae worries."

I have no idea (I get the accent) but what "fash" means in that sentence?
This is why I purposely don't write heavy accents.

I'm sorry. I write a lot, I studied the UK for a long time, and I have friends there, so accents (particularly UK ones) and words are my passion. They're a way to give different people their own 'voice'.
"Fash" ("dinna fash yersel’") has two main meanings; one being not to get annoyed by a situation, and the other being not to inconvenience yourself with something or someone.
For example, ‘dinna fash yersel, it was an accident,’ means "Don't get annoyed over something accidental". ‘Dinna fash yersel wi’ cooking, we’ll go oot fur a meal,’ means "Don't hassle yourself with cooking a meal, we'll go out."
Uses of the word in Scots have been recorded as early as the sixteenth century, and appears to be derived from the medieval French verb ‘fascher’ (meaning 'to anger/enrage').

I've never heard that before.

Rath Darkblade wrote: ↑Fri Jul 19, 2019 10:02 am

Tawmis wrote: ↑Thu Jul 18, 2019 11:56 pm I think the problem is - we just assume (and why?) that all Dwarves have these over the top thick Irish/Scottish accents. But if you've read Dragonlance, characters like Forge (A Dwarf) had no such accent.

Hmmm. You're right - not all dwarves speak with Scottish accents. The trouble is, when you play fantasy games, the voice actors always give them Scottish accents - not sure why. Perhaps it's because a Scottish accent (especially a Glasgow one) can sound rough, and even violent. Just listen to Billy Connolly for a while.
I'm not sure about Irish accents. Scottish accents and Irish ones are very different (and I wouldn't try to write an Irish accent, I don't know how). No problem - I'll drop the accents.

Well, I did it too (for NeN) - gave Paul the Dorf a mixed accent of "Pirate/Irish/Scottish."

Rath Darkblade wrote: ↑Fri Jul 19, 2019 10:02 am

Tawmis wrote: ↑Thu Jul 18, 2019 11:56 pm

Rath Darkblade wrote: ↑Thu Jul 18, 2019 10:28 pm I stood in the crater felt the energy crackling all around me. Was it a'cos of the Fall of the Eye? All I could see was a jungle that had sprung up at the bottom of the crate. By the sound of things, it teemed with life.

This is another one where the a'cos throws me off - took me a second reading of the line to understand you were implying "because."

I'm sorry. "Because" is usually shortened to "'cos", though, isn't it? For example, "I did it 'cos I wanted to". So I didn't think the "a'cos" would throw you off. Sorry about that!

No, I wouldn't say stop! If that's how you like to write it and hear it - I say do it! We all write differently!

Okay, nae problemo! Speaking of pirates - ARR, me hearties! 'Tis nae Speak Lik' A Buccaneerrr Day but let's do 't anyway, 'cos 'tis fun! Now let's get dat cow o'er here an' gi' her some good ol' fashioned alkie-hole! Yo-ho-ho and a cattle on rum!

A few more...
http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showsing ... tcount=177

Originally Posted by Barebarian View Post
A human, 18 years old, 1 level of rogue, 3 of bard and 1 of monk, comes from a culture that's sort of like China crossed with Japan and a touch of Roman Imperialism.
Autumn lily is the daughter of the daughter of a concubine, and having become one herself, in the harem of a wealthy and kind official no less, she was happy with her lot. She learned dance, martial arts and more than a few tricks of skulduggery and subtlety from the other wives, and hoped she'd soon be blessed with a child.
But something caused her to leave in search of something, something important, and something that caused her to need to change her name and hide her true identity.
I'd appreciate anything you can come up with for this I haven't decided on a bard archetype for her so feel free to come up with whatever you want!

So I am not sure what your original character's name was (if Autumn Lily was her original name or the new name she took on...)
Also - you mentioned a China/Japan crossbreed with a touch of Roman Imperialism... I did focus on the China/Japan aspect, because that was a challenge to me (as I've never written anything that centered around that, other than back in 3.0/3.5 Oriental Adventure for my character background)... So I wanted to focus on that and challenge myself... so my apologies if it's too heavy there... The names I used all mean something in Japanese, which was also fun...
Please give any feedback you might have! Good! Bad! I want to hear it!
Enjoy!
================================================== ====
My mother enjoyed the life of being a concubine to Meiyo, an elegant and kind lord, with one wife whom he loved, and six concubines to satisfy his other urges. He was a retired and honorable warrior known throughout the land for his acts of kindness.

My mother enjoyed her life, because Meiyo took care of her, and his other concubines, and because he had several, each of them had the freedom to do what they had wanted, while others tended to Meiyo. This allowed my mother free time to spend with me. One of my favorite things my mother enjoyed was singing. Whenever she wasn’t tending to Meiyo, she would sit with me and teach me how to sing. Most of her songs were stories of warriors in the land – warriors like Meiyo – who were so great that people had made songs to honor them.

Because I was the daughter of a concubine, my mother told me a man of honor will never marry me. But life as a concubine could be a wonderful life, such as the one she had, if I found someone who treated me right. By the age of sixteen, my mother began training me on the ways of being a lady, so that by the age of eighteen I could find a suitor who might accept me as their own concubine.

One night, I had caught my mother, singing and dancing, but also incorporating a sword into her dance. I watched for several minutes, before clearing my throat to let my mother know I was there. She quickly stopped and dropped the sword.

“I’ve never seen you do that before,” I said, leaning against the wall. “It was beautiful how you incorporated your song, with the dance, and used the blade to accent the intensity. Where did you learn to do that?”

“That,” my mother, Utsukushi-sa flushed, “was from a life long, long ago,” she assured me.

“I’ve known Meiyo for eighteen years of my life, but none of his other concubines have children,” I stated, something I had always wondered. “Why is it that you do?”

“Meiyo is not your father,” she whispered. “Meiyo is unable to give children.”

I had suspected that Meiyo was not my father for the last six years. He and I bore no similarities from the color of our hair, down to the color of our eyes, even our mannerisms. I had wondered who my father truly was, but my mother never spoke of him, so I never pushed it.

“This other life,” I finally said, after an awkward moment of silence. “Was it with my father?”

My mother’s face turned pale as she cleared her throat. “He may have been the one who placed the seed for you to grow, but he was never your father.”

My mother placed the sword on the mount over the fireplace.

Several months later, Meiyo introduced me to a friend of his named Senshi. When meeting him, I was dressed as beautifully as I could be – and with Meiyo’s kind funding, I was the most glamorous I had ever been.

Senshi was an older gentleman, a few years older than Meiyo. They’d been warriors that had fought in the Silverstorm War, and Senshi had reconnected with Meiyo. Meiyo had spoken wonderfully about my mother and explained that she had a blooming daughter, of age, that was looking to find someone to take care of her.

When Senshi met me, I saw his eyes were surprised, and his breath escaped him. “She is,” he whispered, “far more beautiful than I had imagined.”

I flushed red, I could feel my cheeks and ears burning.

I accepted a partnership with Senshi and gladly became his concubine. Senshi, though older, had treated me wonderfully. I was the youngest among his concubines, and they never treated me with jealousy. They took me in as one of their own. Some of them taught me such things as finding my center in spirituality which enhanced being in touch with not only my own body, but when I was with Senshi as well. Most of his concubines were much older, and beyond the age of baring children. I had hoped that I would be fortunate enough to know what it was like to have a child and bring it into the world.

That day sadly never came. One day my mother came rushing into Senshi’s home, covered in blood, screaming for me. When I saw her I was horrified, but thankful that most of the blood had not been hers. Her weeping told me that it was probably Meiyo’s, but she was too frantic to speak clearly. She only repeated, “You must run. You must leave. Hide. Never come back! Do not let him find you!”

There were sounds coming from behind her – and then I saw a man, adorned in Samurai armor, with a Red Phoenix symbol adorned on his chest. My mother looked at him, then over to me, and whispered, “Forgive me.” And with one violent shove, pushed me out the window where I fell two stories into the bushes. My mother looked out the window and screamed, “Run!” And then I saw a sword go through her chest, the blade, glistening crimson under the moonlight.

I ran as far and fast as I could. I lived off the land for weeks until I found the town of Seiiki, where I was forced to live off the streets. I stole only what I had to in order to survive. Life, though dirty and something I was unaccustomed to, I learned to adapt. Several Monks even took mercy upon me and brought me into their establishment, so I did not have to live on the streets through the night. But it wasn’t long until the Red Phoenix order showed up in Seiiki. I quickly escaped and stowed away on a ship set for a new continent…

In this new city called Havencrest, I adopted the new name Autumn Lily and wondered what the world had to offer me here in this new place…

And...
http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showsing ... tcount=180

Originally Posted by Solunaris View Post
Well now, this was a very good thread to read. As it happens I enjoy writing character backstories too and am even in the middle of putting one together myself. So, bearing that in mind I figure I'll throw my hat into the ring with the basic details I've worked out so far but be warned, it is a rather silly character.
Ser Zephyr, Knight of the Ardent Rose and he who is sworn to the Good Mother.
Race: Husky (as in the dog)
Class: Paladin (with an Oath of Devotion on the way)
What I have so far is a basic outline of being found as a puppy by junior knights of the order on a campaign and adopted by them. Only then Zephyr was blessed by the Good Mother (a dog deity that sits at the hand of Pelor) with human level intelligence. So ideally the knights trained him as a swordsdoggo until they were found out by the Lord Knight of the Order Ser Gallendar and he was horrified by the prospect of a Dog Knight in the order.
Still not actually sure about that ending or the path to actually get there but I have a few other details worked out. The founding knight of the order would have been the Lady Swynford somewhere around 500 years ago with her Silver Sword (possibly a Holy Avenger for later in the campaign) being enshrined in the home of the order. The order it's self is in a protracted defensive war with a large tribe of orcs who are ravaging a human land that asked the order for help.
As for a personality... I've not worked all of that out. Probably go with honorable and naive at first until something changes that in game.

I am not going to lie... this may have been one of my favorite ones to write.
I dove into Lady Swynford's history - because as I began writing, I realized she was the most important part of the rest of the backstory to come together!
I was able to inject my own Husky (as I mentioned before, named Odin) into the story as Oudyn.
I was also able to inject myself (though you need not keep the name, but your bonded partner's first name is my middle name, with a twist on the spelling)...
And his last name is a reference to an old 80's cartoon (and still sounds Paladin like) - Sunsword is a reference to Thundarr the Barbarian.
And I found a purpose for the canine character... a quest for it...
As I said, I really enjoyed writing this one! It was a blast to be writing it from a dog's perspective and share a dog's point of view on things...!
But I may have lost myself in writing it and missed the mark on what YOU wanted!
So please, if I did - let me know! I'd want to hear ALL feedback - good or bad!
Enjoy!
==============================================
Lady Swynford was said to be a woman whose beauty could not be described. Some described her with locks of golden hair that had been inherited from the sunset. Those that described her as such, also tended to throw in the notion that she was a daughter of Pelor, the god of Sun, Light, Strength and Healing. Despite that, there were those that also described her with silver hair, forged in the heavens, like the magical silver sword she wielded (those that used this description said it was a Holy Sword given to her by Pelor). Some described her with ice blue eyes, whose stare was so cold; it could stop a Frost Giant in their tracks. Yet others described her eyes as green as the Fields of the Afterlife, that when you stared into them, you felt nothing but peace.

One thing was for certain, no matter who told the story, Lady Swynford had led her Order of Paladins known as The Shield of Faith (for which, some say the spell would be named after in her honor). The Shield of Faith had loyally served and upheld the name of Pelor. A recent surge in activity by a clan of orcs known as the Red Eye Orcs attacking and murdering for sheer pleasure, brought the Shield of Faith in direct conflict with them.

A war waged on between the Shield of Faith and the Red Eye orcs for weeks. One fateful night, near the Cliffs of Judgement, Lady Swynford, tired of the battle, cut her way through hundreds – some say thousands – of orcs to reach the leader, a brutal, savage orc by the name of Bour Bloodmane. Bour was larger than any orc Lady Swynford had ever seen; his reddish hair for which he got his surname and his unusual height and build had made Lady Swynford wonder if perhaps this brute had Hill Giant blood somewhere in his bloodline. Regardless, just as much as she was beautiful, she was also courageous and did not back down from the fight.

The story goes that the entire battleground paused and watched this battle between Bour Bloodmane and Lady Swynford take place. The two were evenly matched if you hear it from the Order, while the Orcs would probably argue that Bour was simply toying with Lady Swynford.

As she and Bour were locked in combat, every swing she made he deflected, and every swing he made she raised her shield. Indeed, they were evenly matched. Bour knew this, and began to grow tired, so he called on his Death Dog – a foul, two headed beast, with black, mangy fur, red eyes that could sear a soul and acid that dripped from its mouth. But Lady Swynford did not fight alone. She had a companion – a Husky she had named Oudyn (meaning ‘of fire and ice’ in the ancient Elven tongue). With one whistle, bursting from the gathering of Orcs and Paladins, Oudyn was said to be blessed by the Good Mother, a Celestial Canine that loyally served Pelor, and had been used to track down evil in the Heavens. It is said; every so often The Good Mother blesses several dogs on the world with greater intelligence to fulfill some greater cause.

Oudyn had easily knocked over the Death Dog and continued to charge Bour Bloodmane. Seeing the large husky rushing at him, Bour tried to prepare his sword, but Lady Swynford was there, swinging at him, waiting for an opportunity to break through his defenses.

Oudyn latched onto Bour Bloodmane’s neck, his teeth biting deep into the half-orc’s rancid neck. Blood sprayed everywhere, and Bour stumbled backwards and realized, Lady Swynford had managed to move him towards the cliff’s edge without him realizing it. Feeling himself losing his footing, he lunged and grabbed Lady Swynford’s tabard and pulled her over the cliff with him; as he, Oudyn and Lady Swynford plunged into the waters below, nearly sixty feet.

There was a stunned silence on the battlefield as those who witnessed it realized; both sides had lost their leader. After a minute, the battle resumed and the Red Eye Orcs were driven back. A monument was put up of Lady Swynford and Oudyn at her side, forged by the fabled Dwarven Smith, Joris Stonehammer.

The Shield of Faith gathers at the site once a year, on the day she fell over to honor her courage, and that of Oudyn. For many, many, many years, it became tradition for Paladin Commanders to take on a canine as their most trusted friend and confidant.

That was five hundred years ago.

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Sir Zephyr, Knight of the Ardent Rose, and you might be wondering if you’ve gone mad understanding me.

I am one of those Huskies that’s been blessed by the Good Mother. I am able to understand, and even to some degree, communicate with humans – especially the one I am bonded with, Sir Petour Sunsword. What humans seem to not understand is that, even those of us who are not blessed by the Good Mother, we use something called Sound Language. Humans have something similar called Sign Language where gestures of a hand or finger can speak for those who cannot. Sound Language operates in a similar fashion. We understand tones and inflection of sound, so we’re able to understand virtually every spoken language using this. It’s just that some of us, like me, are blessed by the Good Mother to understand it more clearly.

Things have changed. The Order has changed. Sir Petour Sunsword had inducted me into the Shield of Faith, and I had become a Paladin of Devotion – after all, what were dogs, if not extremely devoted to their bonded partners?

Along comes Sir Gallendar, newest Lord of the Shield of Faith and discovers we’re still using an ancient tradition of allowing dogs into the Order. While he respected Lady Swynford, he wasn’t entirely convinced she was real, and not just a fabricated story that has been told for generations. Sir Gallendar broke up the notion that canines could be Paladins, despite the protests of the Order itself.

My bonded owner, Sir Petour Sunsword took me, and together, we journeyed for fourteen days to the Cliffs of Judgement to sit before the statue of Lady Swynford and Oudyn, and my bonded master called out to her to ask why this was happening. How could someone believe she wasn’t real?

And it donned on me, at that very moment, why the Good Mother had called on me to find my higher purpose. I was to find evidence that both Lady Swynford was real, as was Oudyn, her faithful companion. With that evidence, Sir Gallendar would have to reverse his demands, and allow canines back into the order…