Only two this week because the second one is long, but it's worth it...
Even More Randomly Absurd D&D Party Scenes and One-Liners
21. Paladin: I charge the wizard on my warhorse and holding my lance!
*rolls a one*
DM: You have pole-vaulted over the wizard and right into the pig trough...
Wizard: Um, where did the paladin go?
Paladin: Ah... help me out of here... please?
And that's how the wizard and the paladin met and went on their adventure...
22. Way back when I was in the RPGA, I made a character for what they called "Living City", which was basically a first-stab attempt at having persistent characters at convention events.
I re-created one of my favorite D&D characters, a barbarian lovingly called "Og the Destroyer". I couldn't make him a half-ogre as his tabletop equivalent, but I could make him a large human. Og had a maxed-out strength and almost maxed out constitution, and consequently, had a pretty weak intelligence and wisdom (I didn't use charisma as a dump-stat for him).
He also talked in broken English. Living City was point-based, so in the end, after asking the judge if I could put LESS than 6 points in a stat (rules stated 6 was the minimum, the judge said "I don't see why, but sure..."), I had Og. Massive in body, tiny on mind, first level, wielding a two-handed sword +1 (you could take a single simple magic item) that he could attack twice in the first round and once in the second (ahh... those 2nd edition alternating 2/1 attack rounds).
We go around the table. Six of us, which is standard in most RPGA events. Everyone introduces themselves. Most are true role-players and start introducing their characters in perfect faux-medieval-English accents telling of their lineage and might; each one taking about 2 to 4 minutes giving background... then it gets to me.
"ME OG!! OG SMASH!!" *thumps chest for effect*
---unsettling silence as the rest of the group stare wide-eyed at me wondering if there was anything else to this---
DM: "So... what else does Og do?"
Me: "Uhhh.... OG EAT!! SOMETIME OG EAT WHAT OG SMASH!!"
I then go into a detailed physical description of Og the Destroyer for the other player's benefits and pretty much leave them with the unspoken idea that if they want more about Og, they'll have to ask him themselves....
The game starts. We're tasked to go to the other end of town and retrieve something for an alchemist. We start heading out. Suddenly, a 10-year-old kid comes running from a dark alley screaming "Help, help! My sister is being mugged!" It's the most obvious set-up for an ambush you could have. None of the other party members fall for it and begin questioning the kid. Og draws his sword and goes charging into the alley.
He's the ONLY one to go charging into the alley.
DM: "Six thieves jump from the shadows brandishing short swords. Og is seriously outnumbered"...
Me: "Og grins viciously and attacks the first one..." *roll... hit...14 points of damage... dead!*
Me: "Second attack, his return sweep goes for the second one..." *roll... hit... 13 points of damage... dead!*
DM: "Thieves turn.. they stab at Og!" *roll-miss, roll-hit, 2 points, roll-miss, roll-miss (only the closest 4 can attack, Og has like 12 HP at level 1)* "Back to Og"
---the rest of the party are STILL interrogating the kid! The DM tells them they think they hear sword fighting in the alley---
Me: "Og tries to run the third thief through!" *roll-hit... 15 points of damage*
DM: "Jeez! What's Og's MINIMUM damage he can do in a strike?!"
Me: "9"
DM: "He's dead, just tell me if he hits! The thieves attack..." *roll-miss, roll-hit 3 points of damage, roll-miss*
Me: "Og arcs his massive blade in a twirling motion and goes to behead the 4th thief..." *roll...hit...* "...then reverses his arc slicing into the 5th thief" *roll...hit...*
---FINALLY, the rest of the party is running up into the alley to see what happened to Og---
DM: "The last thief cowers and wets himself as Og strides up to him having killed five of his guildmates single-handedly. It's too late for him to run; there's no escape... he lashes out feebly" *rolls...miss*
---The rest of the party are now finally IN the alley and see the bloody carnage---
DM: "Suddenly... SIX MORE thieves jump down into the alley from the surrounding rooftops! Everyone else roll initiative! Og, you're up."
Me: "Og walks up to the last of the original group of thieves and just brains him on the forehead with his sword's pommel." *roll...hit... 9 points subdual damage, thief is out cold*
Me: "Og turns around and with sword over his shoulder walks past everyone fighting thieves and mutters to no one in particular: 'OG DO ALL WORK! NOW YOU TURN! OG GET BEER.' and leaves the alley the way he came in search of the nearest tavern."
The DM laughing so hard he nearly fell off his chair. One of the players playing a paladin was yelling, "Wait! Og! More thieves, Og! We need you! Come back!!"
Doesn't Glorfindel do something similar in the LOTR books - and Arwen in the movies)?
For me - if a character has a tie to something - and the spell does something (say like Wall of Force) and they're Druids or Rangers or something, I am all for changing it for visual to be Wall of Horse or something. 
I guess that proves the old saying: "Do not meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for they shall eat you for lunch." 
