Headstone Limericks

[Semi-Happy Partygoer]

Remember the Ooga Booga gravestones in KQ7, and how each one had a limerick explaining how that grave's occupant died? I thought we could make up additional epitaph limericks here.

Wearing an awfully big hat
Clara looked not where she sat
She parked her bum on a nail
Gave a terrible wail
And burst with a deafening splat

Liza the Lonely got drunk
Which jollied her out of her funk
Feeling heavy as liver
She jumped in the river
And expecting to float, she sunk

Herbert, big as a house
Was considered to be a real louse
He went for a walk
And made everyone talk
When he was chased off a cliff by a mouse

The miserable Zandra Zee
Had grumpiness down to a tee
She'd scream and she'd yell
'Til the day that she fell
Causing everyone to cry out in glee

[Rath Darkblade]

Clara, Liza the Lonely, Herbert, and Zandra Zee? Who are these people? I'm confused.

I'll do some from QfG!

Magnum - he bragged for a bit,
And considered himself quite a hit.
All thought him a hack,
He got stabbed in the back,
And in Hades? They think he's a [word censored for the sake of politeness!]
===============
Here lies Khaveen.
He doesn't need a visa where he's going!
===============
Here lies Toby.
Now we can return the Chewie costume.
===============
Here lies the Laibon.
Why have you come, Friend of Rakeesh?
===============
Here lies Erana.
And here, and there, and everywhere...
===============
In Mordavia lived a Boris.
Married, ran away, ignore us.
But do not disparage;
The truth? Secret marriage
to Rusalka, name of Dolores.
===============
Here lies Ad Avis,
But he'll be back.
===============
Here lies Rakeesh,
Passed beyond the grim curtain.
Now his speeches have stopped
And his leg had quit hurtin'.

Feel free to make up your own!

[Semi-Happy Partygoer]

You don't have to do Sierra characters per se. None of the KQ7 Ooga Booga epitaphs were plot relevant and none of the people mentioned in them appeared in the game...because they were all dead.

Come up with any name you like, just write 5 line limericks about funny/bizarre deaths.

[notbobsmith]

There once was a poet named Stu
Nothing rhymed. What could he do?
Drank too much, now he's dead
Left a note behind that said:
"I should have tried writing haikus."

[Rath Darkblade]

All right, but I've already written these headstones (all for QfG characters...)

Here lies Toro,
a minotaur brave;
He fought the red dragon -
his game didn't save.
=======================
Here lies Salim,
Julanar killed him;
He dragged on his hookah
And said "Ann's a looker".
=======================
Here lies Shapier's glorious sultan Suleiman
Who once choked to death on an ordinary bun.
His wife had said (and none could disprove 'er)
That no one had known the Heimlich manuever.
=======================
Here lies Avoozl,
But no-one's bamboozled;
He may be contained,
But he'll be back again.
=======================

And here's one for a random guy ...

=======================
Here lies Fred the Felon;
Choked to death on a big ol' melon.
Too long has he played the 'loot';
Now he has been felled by fruit.
=======================

[Rath Darkblade]

Hmm. Would anyone like to continue this game?

[BBP]

I'd love to but I can't. Remember I made illustrated versions of the gravestone limericks? I changed a couple of the names because I wanted to make an alphabet with them ( viewtopic.php?f=65&t=2904 ) but unfortunately I never succeeded in making other limericks.

[Semi-Happy Partygoer]

Gary DeGrump had a dog
Whom he'd take for a walk in the bog
The dog gave a loud bark
Gary tripped in the dark
And vanished right into the fog

Nathalie, colder than ice
Liked to dine on live white mice
One bit her tongue
Another chewed her lung
'Twas deadly, this peculiar vice

[Rath Darkblade]

Er, what happened? I posted a few limericks yesterday (and quite good ones), and now my post has disappeared.

Well ... here's one headstone limerick and some not-quite-headstony one, instead.

Of Clarence, first Duke of the line;
He thought treason a thing very fine.
For alas and forsooth,
he was very uncouth -
And drowned in a barrel of wine.

(This refers to the first Duke of Clarence, who lived during England's Wars of the Roses. His loyalties constantly shifted between the two claimants, and he was definitely involved in several major conspiracies against his brother King Edward IV. At last, he was executed - drowned in a barrel of wine, according to Shakespeare - although it's unclear whether this is true. Nevertheless, it makes for splendid theatre - and film).
============================
A hack writer thought "I'm the Bard!"
And proceeded to write drivel marred
by dull anachronisms
and malapropisms -
he didn't know writing was hard!
============================
A hero who quests for too long
would sigh and then use language strong,
because his ennui
means catastrophe -
I don't think he'd burst into song.

[Semi-Happy Partygoer]

Clever ones! Nicely done.

[Rath Darkblade]

World War I Limerick

An Austro-Hungarian was shot;
So all Europe said angrily "Wot?!
Throw the blaggard in jail,
Then shoot him without fail!
Will this start a war? Certainly not!"
==============================
"The grey cells, they function, n'est-ce pas?"
Says Poirot, who is trav'ling by car.
He twirls his moustaches
(each of which he washes)
And goes to have fun at the bar.
==============================
A father in old Tipperary
told his son “Do not be so contrary!
Now your wooing is done –
Marry her! Have some fun!
What's her name again?” “Dad! It is Mary!”