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Freddy Pharkas: Phallocentric Photographer: Freddy gets a camera and he decides to [THE FORUM ADMINISTRATOR HAS CENSORED THIS PORTION OF THE DESCRIPTION]. But then he runs into Larry's ancestor, Zircon Jim Laffer and [ARE YOU SERIOUS?! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!] while churning butter.

notbobsmith wrote: ↑Fri Aug 27, 2021 11:54 pm Freddy Pharkas: Phallocentric Photographer: Freddy gets a camera and he decides to [THE FORUM ADMINISTRATOR HAS CENSORED THIS PORTION OF THE DESCRIPTION]. But then he runs into Larry's ancestor, Zircon Jim Laffer and [ARE YOU SERIOUS?! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!] while churning butter.

Freddy Pharkas: Pharaohnic Pharmacist. While programming the "Pharaoh" city-building game, the Impressions programmers come across some old disks and decide to have a little fun ...

... and that's how Freddy Pharkas ends up in ancient Egypt. Can he escape and get back to Coarsegold, California? That's your job!

Among the sub-quests:

- Treat ancient diseases!
- Avoid malaria-bringing mosquitoes!
- Earn enough money to build a time machine out of clay and crocodile dung!
- And when that doesn't work and Freddy dies ... guide him through the afterlife (including mazes and various ancient Egyptian mythological monsters), so he can meet the god Osiris who grants Freddy Freddy his eternal reward -- a trip back to Coarsegold, because Freddy obviously doesn't belong in this timeline!

Freddy Phuckedus: Hunt Beer 'n' Arsonist. In an attempt to capture the Grand Theft Auto crowd but make it about the west, a new character is brought in - also named Freddy - just like when they brought in Larry Lovage - because that worked SO WELL - with now a very controversial last name - the MEDIA will eat it up - and we will get popular for it! Where the main character just looks for different beers and burns down the west, while stealing horses and beating up on local brothel women! Sure to be a hit!

Yikes! "Controversial" last name is putting it mildly.

Do you think "Pharaohnic Pharmacist" will sell? Maybe that's the problem. I was aiming too high. I really must do worse.

Pest for Glory. The main character, instead of wishing to be a hero, or listening to what other people say and reacting, now spends the entire game sniping, complaining and criticising the entire thing. Would you believe it - he never shuts up. For instance, when he stays at the Hero's Tail Inn in Spielburg, he finds fault. The beds are too hard, the food is too spicy, the chairs are too high, Shameen's fur is too soft, Abdulla is too chatty, and the fire is too hot.

He goes out to the forest and complains about how the trees are too tall and everything is too green. Would it kill them to add a strawberry bush or two? And ...

Eventually he blunders across the brigand encampment, takes no special precaution, and gets shot full of arrows - but he's too busy complaining to die. "Ooh look at the workmanship on these arrows, tsk they sure don't make them like they used to do they? And these brigands, they're not a patch on the brigands I used to have when I was a boy. Oh dear. Brigands in those days were tough men, not the eighty-pound weaklings you get nowadays -- deary me, whatever's next..."

Eventually the brigands give up and leave to avoid listening to any more of this rubbish. But our pest is not yet done! When Toro challenges him to a fight, our pest takes a running jump, grabs Toro by the horns, and leap-frogs into the encampment. "That's taking the bull by the horns," he says!

(There, that ought to utterly destroy QfG1. =P Would anyone buy this, do you think?)

Rath Darkblade wrote: ↑Tue Aug 31, 2021 3:50 am Pest for Glory. The main character, instead of wishing to be a hero, or listening to what other people say and reacting, now spends the entire game sniping, complaining and criticising the entire thing.
When Toro challenges him to a fight, our pest takes a running jump, grabs Toro by the horns, and leap-frogs into the encampment. "That's taking the bull by the horns," he says!
(There, that ought to utterly destroy QfG1. =P Would anyone buy this, do you think?)

The Coles would be proud of the pun.

Thanks! I'm proud of that pun. As for the game itself, I tried to think of the most annoying PC (Player Character) possible. Did I succeed?

Rath Darkblade wrote: ↑Tue Aug 31, 2021 5:56 pm Thanks! I'm proud of that pun. As for the game itself, I tried to think of the most annoying PC (Player Character) possible. Did I succeed?

Murder Hobos are the worse.

Er ... sorry, I don't know what a "Murder Hobo" is. *looks it up* Ah! It's "a D&D player who runs around killing everything". Fair enough - that would be worse than a D&D player who complains about the setting, NPCs etc.

Rath Darkblade wrote: ↑Wed Sep 01, 2021 3:38 am Er ... sorry, I don't know what a "Murder Hobo" is. *looks it up* Ah! It's "a D&D player who runs around killing everything". Fair enough - that would be worse than a D&D player who complains about the setting, NPCs etc.

Yes.

Murder Hobo's work like this...

DM (Introducing IMPORTANT NPC with Critical Information) - "Hello, adventurers. I am glad you've come. I have critical information in -"

PLAYER MURDER HOBO - "What kind of armor is he wearing?"

DM "Just standard royal clothing. Purple robe, red scrarf, leather boo-"

PLAYER MURDER HOBO - "I backstab him."

DM "What? WHY? HE'S HERE TO HELP."

PLAYER MURDER HOBO "I get XP if he dies. He seems like an easy target. Clothing. No weapons. Do I hit?"

Yes. Those three jerks from "Knights of the Dinner Table" (Brian, Dave and Bob, I think?) are exactly like that.

"Gazebo?! I shoot it with my Bolt of Slaying!!"

"I unsheathe my Big Killer Sword +12!!!"

"Fireballs coming online here!"

DM: "Fine! You slaughter the defenceless gazebo."

"Ha ha! I knew we could do it!"

"How many XPs was that sucker worth?!"

"Did it have any treasure?!"

DM: "No. It's a GAZEBO."

"Well that's a bust!"

"Yeah! We used up so much effort!"

"You railroaded us! Killer DM! Not enough treasure!"

... and so on. *sigh*

Freddy Pharkas: Phantom Philatelist: An accident in the lab has disfigured half of Freddy's face. Now sporting a mask covering half his face, he lurks in the shadows of Coarsegold pursuing his new passion... stamp collecting!

But I don't understand why the accident meant that suddenly Freddy is a philatelist.

Freddy Pharkas: Fantasy Fanatic. Freddy takes up D&D, a century or so before it is invented.

Freddy Farkas: Fonetic Filanthropist: Freddy has become a filanthropist, but will only donate to charities that are spelled the way they sound.

Freddy Pharkas: Fitness Fanatic. Freddy Pharkas opens a gym in Coarsegold. Will anyone use it? It's up to you to sell the idea of a gym to the fine people of Coarsegold!